I have been home the past two days. I haven't been feeling well. I thought I would catcch up on the blogs. I am a little confused some blogs that I have followed for awhile now I can not access. Is there a new way to log in to the blogs? .... Well here is what's new with me. I hit a decorating wall. I can not decide what is the right look for me. I have went back and forth on what I really like so I am concentrating on my love of beach cottages. I am very happy with my dinig room thanks to some pinterest ideas. The livng room is coming togeather still in the works. I have a very small kithen with litte storage. I had to purchase 2 white storage cabinets to help with storage. There not all that pretty but they serve the purpose. I'm still looking for inspiration. Then maybe then I can share some pictures. The house has some dated areas. I am trying to work around those issues. The bathroom has the ugliest blue tub, toilet, and sinks. Then you add a blue floor and blue tile. It's not a pretty blue so I am trying to brighten it up. It should look better after it's painted a bright clean white with a bright shower curtain and rugs. My bedroom a work in progress also. i want a new bedroom suite. I love what I have but it's the bed Ray and I shared for many years. I just want to get something different. Actually I just want my old life back but I know that's impossible. Change like this has not been easy. You have your life planned and then all of a sudden you hit a bump and everything changes. I'm still trying to figure out my new life plan. Once again more changes. I have been blessed to have good friends and blog friends who have helped me through it all. I never knew starting a blog could also be theraphy but it has been. Thank you all who have stood by my side.
Donna
Tuesday, May 20, 2014
Saturday, February 15, 2014
Updates and Changes
Hello everyone! I know I have not been a good blogger at all. My daughter gave me a I-Pad for Christmas and I love it! I was using her old lap top and it was just all used up. It wouldn't let me type anymore. I was basically using it to play Candy Crush and Pet Saga. Occasionally it would let me look at Pinterest. Now I have no excuses. :)
We finally moved November 2nd! Things didn't quite go as plannned. The people who lived her before us left the place in awful shape. If I didn't have to be out my other house on the 4th I may have waited until it was cleaned up a bit. The people never put a filter in which meant black dust all over the walls. The vent covers were so black they couldn't be cleaned they all had to be replaced. The holidays were coming and this just made me depressed. I left a completely spotless house for this mess. We all pitched in and cleaned and painted. What a huge difference paint and a little elbow grease can make in a home. The landlords were here everyday fixing holes that were left a leak in the roof. It was just awful but it's coming together. As soon as I get it done I will show pictures. We still have a little work to do....I can tell you I went from a 3 bedroom 1 1/2 bath to 4 bedrooms 2 full baths. This house also has a dining room living room and den. I have a long covered porch in the front and a screened in porch in the back. We feel like we won the lottery with all this space.
The holidays came and went and Christmas ended up being very nice. The new year came and I ended up sick. I missed work for 4 days. I had the worst sinus infection and my faced swelled up and was red like a tomato. The antibiotics were not working so they also called in a steroid pack. Finally some sinus pressure relief. While I was home I noticed Ms Pretty our cat was acting different. Saturday she seemed worse but she was eating drinking and loving all over me. Sunday she came running when she heard me and she was swaying. From there it got worse. She was so pitiful. Monday when the vet opened I called and let them know I was bringing her in. I knew it was her time and I loved her too much to watch her suffer. It broke my heart to let her go but it wasn't fair to sit there and watch her in so much pain. She was a great pet for 13 yrs she was almost 14. Then after that I get a letter telling me I am on call for Jury duty. I hate to think I will get picked and this is for Federal Cases. So far I have not been called to come in . So I figure that's my 3 things and I'm done
I have been trying to catch up on everyone's blogs. I have missed reading how you all are doing. Take care and I promise to post again soon!
Donna
We finally moved November 2nd! Things didn't quite go as plannned. The people who lived her before us left the place in awful shape. If I didn't have to be out my other house on the 4th I may have waited until it was cleaned up a bit. The people never put a filter in which meant black dust all over the walls. The vent covers were so black they couldn't be cleaned they all had to be replaced. The holidays were coming and this just made me depressed. I left a completely spotless house for this mess. We all pitched in and cleaned and painted. What a huge difference paint and a little elbow grease can make in a home. The landlords were here everyday fixing holes that were left a leak in the roof. It was just awful but it's coming together. As soon as I get it done I will show pictures. We still have a little work to do....I can tell you I went from a 3 bedroom 1 1/2 bath to 4 bedrooms 2 full baths. This house also has a dining room living room and den. I have a long covered porch in the front and a screened in porch in the back. We feel like we won the lottery with all this space.
The holidays came and went and Christmas ended up being very nice. The new year came and I ended up sick. I missed work for 4 days. I had the worst sinus infection and my faced swelled up and was red like a tomato. The antibiotics were not working so they also called in a steroid pack. Finally some sinus pressure relief. While I was home I noticed Ms Pretty our cat was acting different. Saturday she seemed worse but she was eating drinking and loving all over me. Sunday she came running when she heard me and she was swaying. From there it got worse. She was so pitiful. Monday when the vet opened I called and let them know I was bringing her in. I knew it was her time and I loved her too much to watch her suffer. It broke my heart to let her go but it wasn't fair to sit there and watch her in so much pain. She was a great pet for 13 yrs she was almost 14. Then after that I get a letter telling me I am on call for Jury duty. I hate to think I will get picked and this is for Federal Cases. So far I have not been called to come in . So I figure that's my 3 things and I'm done
I have been trying to catch up on everyone's blogs. I have missed reading how you all are doing. Take care and I promise to post again soon!
Donna
Saturday, August 31, 2013
Summer Sadness
Wow another month come and gone. I'm one of those people who live for the summer. Flip flops, suntans, and fresh veggies. I love the longer days and the warmth of the sun on my face. I hate to see it end. I just want soak up all the summer I can before it's gone for another year. Fall will be here before we know it. I love the colors and pumpkins. I went today by the Yankee store and stocked up on some fall tarts and a new candle. I could buy one of everything. I just love candles. It's one thing you can never have too many put aside.
I am still in dilemma about decorating my living room. My poor denim furniture just sits. I really think it's just this house. Jessica thinks it's because Ray and I had so many plans and did so much before we moved in. Ray painted the whole house and we cleaned up the yard. We have a nice shed in the back. We were going to decorate it with a huge barn star and an old sign Ray brought home. We never got the chance to finish making it ours. So I'm just indecisively at this time what look am really going for at this time. I did get a message on FB from my old neighbor. The house next to her is going to be for rent sometime in the next month or so. Then today Jessica and I were getting pedicures and another of my old neighbors came in. She was like did you hear the house is coming up for rent. She said I already told the owners to contact you. The owners are my old landlords. This house is across the street from my old house. So it's kind of like going home but to another house. I would love to get this house it has a long country porch and a screened in back porch. Not to mention it has more room and less yard. I do not like yard work anymore. So my plans are to go by and visit my old landlords. Please wish me luck that this will work out. I miss my old neighbors so much. They were like family!
My new position at work is going very well. I just love my manager and co workers. I am learning all about medical claims and reprocessing them. It's definitely a good thing to add to my resume. I don't plan on going anywhere it's over all a good company. Oh and not to mention my insurance is good and so affordable. I still have both my girls on my plan. There's no way they could get insurance as cheap as what I pay. I'd rather they be covered than not have any insurance at all. Well, I guess that's enough rambling. I will post again soon. Hopefully I will have some more good news to share!
Donna
I am still in dilemma about decorating my living room. My poor denim furniture just sits. I really think it's just this house. Jessica thinks it's because Ray and I had so many plans and did so much before we moved in. Ray painted the whole house and we cleaned up the yard. We have a nice shed in the back. We were going to decorate it with a huge barn star and an old sign Ray brought home. We never got the chance to finish making it ours. So I'm just indecisively at this time what look am really going for at this time. I did get a message on FB from my old neighbor. The house next to her is going to be for rent sometime in the next month or so. Then today Jessica and I were getting pedicures and another of my old neighbors came in. She was like did you hear the house is coming up for rent. She said I already told the owners to contact you. The owners are my old landlords. This house is across the street from my old house. So it's kind of like going home but to another house. I would love to get this house it has a long country porch and a screened in back porch. Not to mention it has more room and less yard. I do not like yard work anymore. So my plans are to go by and visit my old landlords. Please wish me luck that this will work out. I miss my old neighbors so much. They were like family!
My new position at work is going very well. I just love my manager and co workers. I am learning all about medical claims and reprocessing them. It's definitely a good thing to add to my resume. I don't plan on going anywhere it's over all a good company. Oh and not to mention my insurance is good and so affordable. I still have both my girls on my plan. There's no way they could get insurance as cheap as what I pay. I'd rather they be covered than not have any insurance at all. Well, I guess that's enough rambling. I will post again soon. Hopefully I will have some more good news to share!
Donna
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
Finally Some Good News
Hi everyone,
This Summer took forever to get here not it's August. I get sad during the fall and winter months. The short days make the nights way to long. I just hope Summer sticks around until October. Let's see where should I begin. As many of you know that have been following me I have been applying for another position in my company. I have been wanting to get in claims. I received an email asking me to interview June 26th at 11am. I actually had this day off because the 26th is my birthday. I still accepted! I went home and tried to find as much information as I could on medical claims. There are not a lot of examples online. So I took notes about the history of when claims started. So the morning of my interview I got up dressed for my interview and out the door I went. When my interview started they asked why didn't I reschedule since I was off. I said NOTHING was going to keep me from coming for this interview. I thought my interview went well and when I answered my last questions I told them I did try to prepare better this go around. I told them everything I could find on claims. Interview was over I went to the bathroom changed and left to enjoy the rest of my day off. July 3rd HR called me and asked for me to come up. I GOT THE JOB! I was so excited. This was my 8th time in 2 years I have applied. Not only did I get the job I am also back under my old manager Eric. So things are looking up....On August 14th it will be three years since Ray died. I miss him as much today as the day he died. I always that week off work. This year I had it of but now that I have moved to a new department it will interfere with my training. I did ask for the day off. It's not a good day for me. I wanted to do something different this year. I think the girls and I may ride down to Virginia Beach for the day. I want to spend the day with m girls remembering Ray. I will let you know how that works out....I am thinking of trying to buy a townhouse. I am so tired of renting. The septic tank went bad and so they had to hook us up to county water. This was last Fall they dug the front yard up and it has been nothing but a mud puddle. The landlords had those big black tubes coming from the gutters so it would drain into the yard. Well they decided to put the tube part underground so it could drain out further in the yard. Now not only is the front yard a mess now the back yard is all muddy. So frustrated with the mess. A few weeks ago the air went out and it was one of those 100 degree days. I called them and told them she said let me call you back. She called back and said my husband said call these people and told me the name of a company. I didn't like that because I feel it was there place to call. So I called and being it was Saturday I used the emergency service. Not knowing if it could be fixed I went to Lowe's to buy fans. I loaded the basket up. Right as I was about to check out Eleni called and said they got it fixed. It was a clog or something. So needless to say I put the fans back. I just am tired of giving someone my money and not having anything to show for it. If any of you have any suggestions or can tell me anything about buying a house I will take any tips advice suggestions. I hope all is well in your lives thanks for stopping by.
Donna
This Summer took forever to get here not it's August. I get sad during the fall and winter months. The short days make the nights way to long. I just hope Summer sticks around until October. Let's see where should I begin. As many of you know that have been following me I have been applying for another position in my company. I have been wanting to get in claims. I received an email asking me to interview June 26th at 11am. I actually had this day off because the 26th is my birthday. I still accepted! I went home and tried to find as much information as I could on medical claims. There are not a lot of examples online. So I took notes about the history of when claims started. So the morning of my interview I got up dressed for my interview and out the door I went. When my interview started they asked why didn't I reschedule since I was off. I said NOTHING was going to keep me from coming for this interview. I thought my interview went well and when I answered my last questions I told them I did try to prepare better this go around. I told them everything I could find on claims. Interview was over I went to the bathroom changed and left to enjoy the rest of my day off. July 3rd HR called me and asked for me to come up. I GOT THE JOB! I was so excited. This was my 8th time in 2 years I have applied. Not only did I get the job I am also back under my old manager Eric. So things are looking up....On August 14th it will be three years since Ray died. I miss him as much today as the day he died. I always that week off work. This year I had it of but now that I have moved to a new department it will interfere with my training. I did ask for the day off. It's not a good day for me. I wanted to do something different this year. I think the girls and I may ride down to Virginia Beach for the day. I want to spend the day with m girls remembering Ray. I will let you know how that works out....I am thinking of trying to buy a townhouse. I am so tired of renting. The septic tank went bad and so they had to hook us up to county water. This was last Fall they dug the front yard up and it has been nothing but a mud puddle. The landlords had those big black tubes coming from the gutters so it would drain into the yard. Well they decided to put the tube part underground so it could drain out further in the yard. Now not only is the front yard a mess now the back yard is all muddy. So frustrated with the mess. A few weeks ago the air went out and it was one of those 100 degree days. I called them and told them she said let me call you back. She called back and said my husband said call these people and told me the name of a company. I didn't like that because I feel it was there place to call. So I called and being it was Saturday I used the emergency service. Not knowing if it could be fixed I went to Lowe's to buy fans. I loaded the basket up. Right as I was about to check out Eleni called and said they got it fixed. It was a clog or something. So needless to say I put the fans back. I just am tired of giving someone my money and not having anything to show for it. If any of you have any suggestions or can tell me anything about buying a house I will take any tips advice suggestions. I hope all is well in your lives thanks for stopping by.
Donna
Sunday, June 30, 2013
Life just keeps moving...
I really don't have a lot to talk about but wanted to stop by and say hello. Life is pretty much the same here in Chester. I am still trying to move up at work. I thought about outside the company but jobs are just too hard to get these days. Plus I have both my girls on my insurance and my insurance is really cheap and the coverage is good. Now days insurance is like a pay check you just need it to survive. One good thing to report Eleni is working as a Summer Intern where I work. It's nice to have the little extra help. I would love to see them keep her full time. She's so much like me she hates getting up for work, once we are up and out the door we are okay. We both like to sleep in.
Still in the same house. I have looked but things are so expensive or smaller than what I have now. I'm just staying here for the time being. I have been trying to change things up a bit. It's still a work in progress. I am trying to find my way I guess you could say.
I was looking at my blog list the other night and was sad to see so many people have quit blogging. I'm guilty for not posting a lot but that's because there isn't a lot to share. I can go on and on about my old life and how much I miss it but even that gets old. No one hardly ever stops by here so I try just to post updates until something exciting comes a long. Life just keeps on moving sometimes I wish things would slow down a bit. I hope everyone is doing well and please keep posting. Your like my only friends and family that share their lives and decorating style. Thanks to you all for stopping by and thanks for being my friend through the good and the bad.
Donna
Still in the same house. I have looked but things are so expensive or smaller than what I have now. I'm just staying here for the time being. I have been trying to change things up a bit. It's still a work in progress. I am trying to find my way I guess you could say.
I was looking at my blog list the other night and was sad to see so many people have quit blogging. I'm guilty for not posting a lot but that's because there isn't a lot to share. I can go on and on about my old life and how much I miss it but even that gets old. No one hardly ever stops by here so I try just to post updates until something exciting comes a long. Life just keeps on moving sometimes I wish things would slow down a bit. I hope everyone is doing well and please keep posting. Your like my only friends and family that share their lives and decorating style. Thanks to you all for stopping by and thanks for being my friend through the good and the bad.
Donna
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
WOW MAY ALREADY
Hello everyone,
I wanted to post once a month. I totally missed April. Sad to say nothing new to report. I've been home with a migraine the past 2 days. It seems to be easing up. Let's see still house hunting nothing yet. I did apply for a new position at work. Once again I was knocked out by someone with just a little more experience and a college degree. College plays a big part at my job. I think it's great and hope my girls finish but for me not so much. Eleni told me yesterday college is hard she may just get a job. I looked at her and said don't tell me. I told you once you graduated high school you are on your own with college. Tough love I know but this one just doesn't want to grow up. I'm guilty since Ray died I've tried to give her all I can. I am hoping she can get a summer position at my job. Once she gets that pay check I'm hoping she will want to keep getting one. Plus it will give her something to add to her resume. I just don't know what to do anymore. Going from a two parents and two pay checks to one has not been easy at all. I try to do the best I can and pray a lot.
The weather is just crazy. It feels more like Fall than Spring. I don't remember the weather being so up and down before. You just have to dress according to the weather instead of the season. Makes me curious as to what Summer will be like. I love Summer and hot temps. Anytime I can put on flip flops over shoes and socks I' happy. Families don't get together like they used to when I was younger. Makes me sad to think about the world I grew up in compared to the world today. No one place is any different than another. The whole Boston thing really made me think about things. Remember when the US was the land of opportunity. Families came here to work and make a better life for themselves. Now seems like I work so they can come here and get a better life at my expense. Makes me sad all these poor children who are in debt when they graduate because of school loans but others can come here go to school for free only to endanger those who have provided for them. Sorry I usually try to keep my opinions to myself but this just really irritates me. I hope my children never have children. The world is just too crazy anymore.
Well, I think I covered it all. Home, work, school, and terrorist. Sorry for getting on my soap box about things but sometimes we just have to vent. I hope I haven't offended anyone with my comments. My point is some people make it hard for those who really want to do better. God Bless the U.S.A.
Donna
I wanted to post once a month. I totally missed April. Sad to say nothing new to report. I've been home with a migraine the past 2 days. It seems to be easing up. Let's see still house hunting nothing yet. I did apply for a new position at work. Once again I was knocked out by someone with just a little more experience and a college degree. College plays a big part at my job. I think it's great and hope my girls finish but for me not so much. Eleni told me yesterday college is hard she may just get a job. I looked at her and said don't tell me. I told you once you graduated high school you are on your own with college. Tough love I know but this one just doesn't want to grow up. I'm guilty since Ray died I've tried to give her all I can. I am hoping she can get a summer position at my job. Once she gets that pay check I'm hoping she will want to keep getting one. Plus it will give her something to add to her resume. I just don't know what to do anymore. Going from a two parents and two pay checks to one has not been easy at all. I try to do the best I can and pray a lot.
The weather is just crazy. It feels more like Fall than Spring. I don't remember the weather being so up and down before. You just have to dress according to the weather instead of the season. Makes me curious as to what Summer will be like. I love Summer and hot temps. Anytime I can put on flip flops over shoes and socks I' happy. Families don't get together like they used to when I was younger. Makes me sad to think about the world I grew up in compared to the world today. No one place is any different than another. The whole Boston thing really made me think about things. Remember when the US was the land of opportunity. Families came here to work and make a better life for themselves. Now seems like I work so they can come here and get a better life at my expense. Makes me sad all these poor children who are in debt when they graduate because of school loans but others can come here go to school for free only to endanger those who have provided for them. Sorry I usually try to keep my opinions to myself but this just really irritates me. I hope my children never have children. The world is just too crazy anymore.
Well, I think I covered it all. Home, work, school, and terrorist. Sorry for getting on my soap box about things but sometimes we just have to vent. I hope I haven't offended anyone with my comments. My point is some people make it hard for those who really want to do better. God Bless the U.S.A.
Donna
Sunday, March 31, 2013
Happy Easter
I am trying to post at least once a month. I sure did wait to the last minute this month. I hope everyone had a Happy Easter. I cooked a ham and all the trimmings. The Easter Bunny stopped by and left the girls a bag of goodies. I guess you never get too old for the Easter Bunny.
Well, I did it! I've been saying for over a year I want a new sofa and I finally decided on what I wanted it's here and I love it. I love all of my country/prim decor but I needed a change. I was going for a more cottage beach look. I so wanted the white denim furniture but in the real world it would be too much up keep. So I went with the blue denim. It's all slip covered and can be washed it needed. I painted my furniture pieces white and then there are my many baskets. I am still in the process of decorating. Changing styles on a budget can take some time. I'm still trying to decide what I want to put on my big wall behind my sofa. When I get it all together I will post pictures.
Still trying to move. Not sure where we will end up or if we will stay. I keep telling myself if it's meant to be than it will happen. Work is still work nothing exciting. I keep hoping for some kind of positive change. Some days I feel so overwhelmed with work bills and missing Ray. It was about this time three years ago I was on cloud nine. We found this house and it was affordable and just enough room. We were so excited because we had been at my Mom's for about a year. It was nice to know we could have our own space and our things out of storage. Ray would come and paint while the bathroom was being redone. We were supposed to move in May but we were pushed back until June. If I could have any wish of course it would to be to have Ray back but most of all that happy feeling. Well, I will try to post sooner next time and with pictures!
Donna
Well, I did it! I've been saying for over a year I want a new sofa and I finally decided on what I wanted it's here and I love it. I love all of my country/prim decor but I needed a change. I was going for a more cottage beach look. I so wanted the white denim furniture but in the real world it would be too much up keep. So I went with the blue denim. It's all slip covered and can be washed it needed. I painted my furniture pieces white and then there are my many baskets. I am still in the process of decorating. Changing styles on a budget can take some time. I'm still trying to decide what I want to put on my big wall behind my sofa. When I get it all together I will post pictures.
Still trying to move. Not sure where we will end up or if we will stay. I keep telling myself if it's meant to be than it will happen. Work is still work nothing exciting. I keep hoping for some kind of positive change. Some days I feel so overwhelmed with work bills and missing Ray. It was about this time three years ago I was on cloud nine. We found this house and it was affordable and just enough room. We were so excited because we had been at my Mom's for about a year. It was nice to know we could have our own space and our things out of storage. Ray would come and paint while the bathroom was being redone. We were supposed to move in May but we were pushed back until June. If I could have any wish of course it would to be to have Ray back but most of all that happy feeling. Well, I will try to post sooner next time and with pictures!
Donna
Saturday, February 2, 2013
Hello Again
Just wanted to pop in and say hello. Not a lot going on here. I've had some kind of crud for days and I am so over it. Going to go out a bit today and get some fresh air. I feel the need to window shop or something. I hope to get all my tax information so I can file. It's like a lottery anymore will you hit and for how much.
As you have heard me say for a year now I need to move and a new sofa. I am thinking of maybe a blue denim. I so love the white but want something that will last and not come with a lot of maintenance. I just think with 2 cats and a dog the blue may work better at this time. It would be nice to have slip covers in both the white and blue. Hey nothing wrong with dreaming. I was really into the darker colors and primitive country style. I still like it but I think I want to go with something light and airy. I love the new cottage country look. When I thought I was moving last year I packed up everything. I never unpacked it because I know I will have to move. My house only has 2 pictures hanging up and that's my girls senior portraits. Losing my husband really took atoll on me. I just wanted to erase everything and make the pain go away. I still have the pain in my heart but I need a change. We were only in our house 6 weeks before Ray's heart attack so it's never really felt like home to us. Just memories of losing him and what should have been a happy time for us.
Moving on this Tuesday the 5th is my daughter Jessica's 24th birthday. They grow up so fast. She works full time as a pharmacy tech for Rite Aid and is going to school full time at VCU. Her dad would be so proud of her. She's turned into a wonderful young lady. Well, that's about it for now. I hope everyone stays warm and well. I know I don't have any pictures posted right now but hopefully soon some changes will come. Until then thanks for sharing your homes and decor.
Donna
As you have heard me say for a year now I need to move and a new sofa. I am thinking of maybe a blue denim. I so love the white but want something that will last and not come with a lot of maintenance. I just think with 2 cats and a dog the blue may work better at this time. It would be nice to have slip covers in both the white and blue. Hey nothing wrong with dreaming. I was really into the darker colors and primitive country style. I still like it but I think I want to go with something light and airy. I love the new cottage country look. When I thought I was moving last year I packed up everything. I never unpacked it because I know I will have to move. My house only has 2 pictures hanging up and that's my girls senior portraits. Losing my husband really took atoll on me. I just wanted to erase everything and make the pain go away. I still have the pain in my heart but I need a change. We were only in our house 6 weeks before Ray's heart attack so it's never really felt like home to us. Just memories of losing him and what should have been a happy time for us.
Moving on this Tuesday the 5th is my daughter Jessica's 24th birthday. They grow up so fast. She works full time as a pharmacy tech for Rite Aid and is going to school full time at VCU. Her dad would be so proud of her. She's turned into a wonderful young lady. Well, that's about it for now. I hope everyone stays warm and well. I know I don't have any pictures posted right now but hopefully soon some changes will come. Until then thanks for sharing your homes and decor.
Donna
Thursday, January 3, 2013
2013
Yes, it's me. I haven't posted in almost a year. 2012 proved to be a real challenge for me. Getting Eleni threw those last few months of school really took it's toll on my pocket book. All I can say is I did it and I survived. Graduation was a real mess. My daddy was in an accident the Friday before and wasn't released from the hospital until that next Monday. So he wasn't able to come down. Ray's brother in SC was supposed to come but he sent Eleni a text saying he couldn't come because he had to work. Sad part is people put too much on Face Book. He didn't have to work he decided he rather stay at the beach. Eleni was so upset she didn't want to walk but we told her to do it for me and that her daddy would be watching.
I never did move. A friend offered me her house which I was all excited about moving into. It was a two story 4 bedrooms and 2 baths. Most of all a front porch which I loved. She couldn't give me a move in date because she wasn't sure where she and her new husband would be living. They were trying to buy a house and until they did she didn't have anywhere for her things. I decided to stay in my house I am in now. I didn't get a new position at work but I did move up in our department in June. The extra pay was such a help! I thought well if I get on a budget plan with the oil I should be able to swing it. Well, my budget is $200 a month along with my electric bill. We had a sewage tank in the back well it was cheaper for the landlord to hook up to the county sewage than it was to fix the tank. My water bill jumped up $20. I started to drown in my own bills not to mention the holidays. Yet once again I survived. Our Church helped me get back on track with my electric bill and a friend helped me get Christmas for my girls. Usually we get a Christmas bonus. This year they gave them after Christmas and they were about half what we usually get. I will not count on that money in the future. That bonus helps a lot of people get Christmas for their children. I was thankful for a little extra to help me catch up for the New Year.
I decided to take this week off for a mental vacation. I now have a cold and my head feels like it weighs 100 lbs. I am using this time to catch up on blogs and friends. I am hoping I can offer more posts and a new name for my blog. I am expecting some big changes to come in 2013. I am at a point where I am going to have to move. I just can't afford oil and electric. I am going to try to do some things I never thought I could do. My since of style really changed. When I thought I was moving this past year I packed up all my decor and pictures. I realized I want to go in a new decorating direction. I want to lighten things up maybe go more of a beachy look. Oh I am still looking for a new sofa. That will decide what color combination I will use. Everything in my past was all about Ray and I. I need to change things up a little. I save all my Country decorations just in case I change my mind.
I still struggle with Ray being gone. I really believe he was my soul mate. I have no desire to meet anyone. I'm not lonely as much as I miss our talks and rides to and from work. I was truly happy and he was the love of my life I just don't think I could or would ever want to replace that.
On a good note I love Pinterest. It's so addicting. I have so many ideas and recipes to try. My girls did make me something from pinterest for Christmas. Home made gifts are the best because they are made with love. I hope you all had a wonderful and blessed New Year.
Donna
Saturday, April 14, 2012
Just Another Day at Work...
As many know I have been house hunting and job hunting. No luck on the house situation YET! I have been applying for internal jobs at my company. My application is always put through and I usually get an interview. Usually I am beat out by someone with who has attended college. I hope all young people realize how much that is needed these days. Anyway I still have 2 applications out and my application is under review. So maybe just maybe I will get lucky with one of them. I have been in my current position 3 years this June. Some days ca be very stressful but over all it's okay. The one issue I have is the pay. After they take out for insurance I don't have a lot to bring home. Never the less I am thankful to have a job. Going down to one income is a huge transition. My girls will be moving out and I want to know I can take care of ME! So like I said maybe a new position and more pay. :)
My company has a program they call Mission Memories. it's about how we have went out of our way to help a member.
I work in a call center for a Medicaid HMO. It's amazing how we give some people everything and it's still not enough. Then there are some who can't thank you enough. I take pride in each and everyone of my calls. I answer the call and treat everyone the same. Some callers are not as grateful then there are the calls you will never forget. This week I submitted my Mission Memory. Immediately it was accepted. I was asked to read mine at the staff meeting. I was so nervous. I thought my knees were going to buckle and it felt like I spoke to fast none the less I survived. I'd like to share that story with you.
A few weeks ago I had a member call. I noticed right away that she spoke very softly and slowly. She needed me to fax over her contract so the doctor’s office so they would see her. She also needed to schedule transportation, and became upset because she didn't have all the information.
I asked her for the doctor’s number and I called to get the address, then scheduled her transportation and answered a few questions she had about Virginia Premier.
When the call was about to end, I asked if she needed anything else and she began to cry. She said “these are happy tears”. She thanked me several times for taking the time to help her and for being so patient.
She then said “I have MS and sometimes people rush me and treat me like I'm stupid.” She thanked me again for helping her.
This is one call I will never forget. She put tears in my eyes and made me feel so good about what I do. After the meeting I received instant messages, emails, phone calls and people stopping me to tell what a great job I did. Our staff meetings include everyone in the Richmond office. We have other locations as well. I was told the Vice President over my department read my story in the Tide Water location. As I said I try to start every call the same so it was just a normal day for me but it was nice to share the story with others in the company.
Donna
My company has a program they call Mission Memories. it's about how we have went out of our way to help a member.
I work in a call center for a Medicaid HMO. It's amazing how we give some people everything and it's still not enough. Then there are some who can't thank you enough. I take pride in each and everyone of my calls. I answer the call and treat everyone the same. Some callers are not as grateful then there are the calls you will never forget. This week I submitted my Mission Memory. Immediately it was accepted. I was asked to read mine at the staff meeting. I was so nervous. I thought my knees were going to buckle and it felt like I spoke to fast none the less I survived. I'd like to share that story with you.
A few weeks ago I had a member call. I noticed right away that she spoke very softly and slowly. She needed me to fax over her contract so the doctor’s office so they would see her. She also needed to schedule transportation, and became upset because she didn't have all the information.
I asked her for the doctor’s number and I called to get the address, then scheduled her transportation and answered a few questions she had about Virginia Premier.
When the call was about to end, I asked if she needed anything else and she began to cry. She said “these are happy tears”. She thanked me several times for taking the time to help her and for being so patient.
She then said “I have MS and sometimes people rush me and treat me like I'm stupid.” She thanked me again for helping her.
This is one call I will never forget. She put tears in my eyes and made me feel so good about what I do. After the meeting I received instant messages, emails, phone calls and people stopping me to tell what a great job I did. Our staff meetings include everyone in the Richmond office. We have other locations as well. I was told the Vice President over my department read my story in the Tide Water location. As I said I try to start every call the same so it was just a normal day for me but it was nice to share the story with others in the company.
Donna
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Simply Saturday
Well, I slept in a little later than I had planned. I went to my friends house Teresa today. She is hemming Eleni's dress for me. She is not only a great friend but a great seamstress. We visited with her for a bit and did some catching up. Teresa and I had become really close and after losing Ray I pushed everyone away. I just didn't want to be bothered. Although I have never felt that way about my friends it was easier to be alone. So it was good just hanging out with her for a little bit. My girls also love her she is so good to them!
After visiting with Teresa we went to tan. I just find this so relaxing. I know it's not good for you but hey what is anymore? Our next stop was the grocery store. I hate the grocery store! It cost so much to eat and drive. I don't know what we are going to do with things going up and our pay checks staying the same. I will be honest some days I really worry about the future of this Country.
After all my running it was home for the evening. Eleni is out with her boyfriend. Jessica is out seeing Hunger Games with a friend. It was just me and the pets. I fixed me a sandwich watched some TV. Then I started a puzzle worked on that while watching the movie Selena. I then washed a load of clothes and packed a couple of boxes. I figure if I do a little everyday it won't be so overwhelming when it's time to move. Still not sure where we will end up but I'm not to stresses at the moment. Now I'm catching up on FB, Gmail, and blogs. I thought I would do a quick post.
I have heard mixed feelings about this early Spring we have been having. I can only say I am loving it. I love the time change I wish it was like this all year. I love seeing the sun when I get off and enjoying it when I get home. The Winter months really bring me down. I sleep a lot and hate to go out. When it's warm I try to get up earlier and enjoy the beautiful days. I know Summer may be a beast this year but it's better than the cold. Plus everything is so much prettier and cheerful. I love seeing all the flowers bloom and the azalea bushes and trees in bloom. Makes me a little happy and we all know how much I need that these days. Well, I won't keep you all any longer. I think I'm going to work on my puzzle for a bit. Happy Spring Everyone!
Donna
After visiting with Teresa we went to tan. I just find this so relaxing. I know it's not good for you but hey what is anymore? Our next stop was the grocery store. I hate the grocery store! It cost so much to eat and drive. I don't know what we are going to do with things going up and our pay checks staying the same. I will be honest some days I really worry about the future of this Country.
After all my running it was home for the evening. Eleni is out with her boyfriend. Jessica is out seeing Hunger Games with a friend. It was just me and the pets. I fixed me a sandwich watched some TV. Then I started a puzzle worked on that while watching the movie Selena. I then washed a load of clothes and packed a couple of boxes. I figure if I do a little everyday it won't be so overwhelming when it's time to move. Still not sure where we will end up but I'm not to stresses at the moment. Now I'm catching up on FB, Gmail, and blogs. I thought I would do a quick post.
I have heard mixed feelings about this early Spring we have been having. I can only say I am loving it. I love the time change I wish it was like this all year. I love seeing the sun when I get off and enjoying it when I get home. The Winter months really bring me down. I sleep a lot and hate to go out. When it's warm I try to get up earlier and enjoy the beautiful days. I know Summer may be a beast this year but it's better than the cold. Plus everything is so much prettier and cheerful. I love seeing all the flowers bloom and the azalea bushes and trees in bloom. Makes me a little happy and we all know how much I need that these days. Well, I won't keep you all any longer. I think I'm going to work on my puzzle for a bit. Happy Spring Everyone!
Donna
Saturday, March 10, 2012
It's been awhile.
Life started moving in the fast lane. Eleni graduates this year so I was all wrapped up in the needs of a senior. We have already bought prom dress and shoes. Graduation dress, shoes, cap, and gown also all taken care of. She has already started tanning for the big days ahead. I can remember back in the day before prom everyone would be laying out trying to get a little bit of color. Ahh those were the days. I can remember going to the beach, lake, and even the river to get that summer tan hours and hours of just laying there. I must admit I can not take that heat anymore. I make it about 30 minutes and I'm done. I am a sissy now I also tan. Hey I'm a firm believer in fat looks better tan. :)
I have been asked a few questions about myself. I'm going to try to answer everyone hopefully. I do not craft anymore unless it's to repaint something. I used to cross stitch a lot but now it hurts my eyes and I don't have the patience to finish anything. I do have several pieces in my house of cross stitches I have made in the past. I was a huge scrapbook junkie. After Ray died I basically quit taking pictures and have not done any scrap booking in over a year. I have a few pictures from early years and of course Eleni's senior year to do. It's just not the same as before losing Ray. He would always want to see what I had done and always had something nice to say. I miss the feed back I guess not to mention the pictures of him!
I have been asked was I seeing someone to help me trough losing Ray. The answer is yes, at one time I was seeing a counselor, my primary care physician, and a psychiatrist. Now I only see the psychiatrist. I had an appointment with him last week. He says I'm still not where he would like me to be. I'm just not ready to accept all of this I will be honest. I still wish for a miracle. It's very hard going from a couple of 24 years to being single and alone. It's not a feeling I would wish on anyone. I have been asked by many do I think I would ever date again. My answer is NO! I just don't want to get that involved with anyone again. I could not stand to go through another loss like this. Maybe in time I will change my mind but I doubt it. Ray was and will always be the love of my life.
I want to tell each and everyone of you thank-you. You have been so supportive and kind. Thank you for sticking by me through my loss. I feel very blessed to call you all a true friend. Until next time remember to always say I love you and thank you. What a great place this would be if we all just remembered those two quotes. I hope you all have a wonderful Saturday.
Donna
I have been asked a few questions about myself. I'm going to try to answer everyone hopefully. I do not craft anymore unless it's to repaint something. I used to cross stitch a lot but now it hurts my eyes and I don't have the patience to finish anything. I do have several pieces in my house of cross stitches I have made in the past. I was a huge scrapbook junkie. After Ray died I basically quit taking pictures and have not done any scrap booking in over a year. I have a few pictures from early years and of course Eleni's senior year to do. It's just not the same as before losing Ray. He would always want to see what I had done and always had something nice to say. I miss the feed back I guess not to mention the pictures of him!
I have been asked was I seeing someone to help me trough losing Ray. The answer is yes, at one time I was seeing a counselor, my primary care physician, and a psychiatrist. Now I only see the psychiatrist. I had an appointment with him last week. He says I'm still not where he would like me to be. I'm just not ready to accept all of this I will be honest. I still wish for a miracle. It's very hard going from a couple of 24 years to being single and alone. It's not a feeling I would wish on anyone. I have been asked by many do I think I would ever date again. My answer is NO! I just don't want to get that involved with anyone again. I could not stand to go through another loss like this. Maybe in time I will change my mind but I doubt it. Ray was and will always be the love of my life.
I want to tell each and everyone of you thank-you. You have been so supportive and kind. Thank you for sticking by me through my loss. I feel very blessed to call you all a true friend. Until next time remember to always say I love you and thank you. What a great place this would be if we all just remembered those two quotes. I hope you all have a wonderful Saturday.
Donna
Sunday, February 12, 2012
Valentine's Day
Every year for awhile now I write notes to my daughters for Valentine's Day. Sure I could buy them a card but once I started the letters it became a tradition. They keep them from year to year. I always loved Valentine's Day. I could never get tired of hearing those three words I LOVE YOU! Now Valentine's Day is a hard day for me. It will be 1 1/2 years since Ray passed away. I would give anything to hear him say I Love You just one more time.
I have been having a rough few days lately. I'm just so tired. Yesterday I slept until 1pm and then went back to sleep a little after four and slept until after seven. I got online for awhile and went back to bed by midnight. I really am not doing as well as I lead people to believe. I've gotten good about hiding my real feelings. I try to focus on something to keep my mind from straying. During the week I can not wait for Friday's. It's my favorite day of the week now. The thing I focus on most is graduation day. Eleni will graduate June 6th. Anything beyond that is just too much for me to handle. I'm worried how we will make it with everything getting so ridiculously high. I need to find a place for us to move that I can afford. Some days I just don't want to do it anymore. I don't want to be the go to person who will make everything better. I can't but help wanting to be with my husband. I can not put into words just how much I miss him. I don't know how people do it. How do you move on when you are lost in so much grief. I used to love being with my friends and old neighbors. I still love them all but it just reminds me of my life before. I so miss my old life. Believe me when I say it was far from perfect. Ray became ill for the first time in 1993. I was nine months pregnant with Eleni. That's when Ray was diagnosed with kidney failure. He started dialysis 2 days before she was born. In 1994 Ray's sister gave him a kidney. It went in and out of rejection a lot of hospital time. In 1998 Ray was having chest pains a week later he was having quadruple bypass. In 1998 Ray's kidney went into complete rejection which meant he was back on dialysis. In 2001 Ray received another kidney from a cadiver donor. Ray did very well until 2006 he had a few minor strokes. They did a cat Scan and he had some brain damage to the left side of his brain. He picked himself back up and did ok until 2009. He started having bad leg cramps and tired after walking awhile. Back to the Dr only to hear Ray had blockages in his legs. I was out of work and we had no insurance at the time. We had talked about after we moved him having his legs worked on. That way he would have been on my insurance a year. Ray didn't make it after his 2010 hospital stay. This all started when he was 24 years old. My dad keeps telling me how lucky Ray was to live as long as he did. It doesn't feel like luck if feels like a slap in the face. You try so hard to do the right things and you just keep getting knocked back down. My whole adult life was about taking care of Ray and my girls. Ray and I were looking forward to it being just us after Eleni graduated. We never got the chance to be just us. Even though I am looking forward to Eleni graduating it's also a reminder of a time I was looking forward to the most. I guess you could say I have a huge whole in my heart and it's just getting bigger.
Sorry for such another long post. I hope you all have a Happy Valentine's Day filled with LOVE!
Donna
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Time Waits For No One
After 32 hours of labor and c-section Ray and I welcomed our first born Jessica Rae Childress into the world. It's amazing how fast you can fall in love with someone. Jessica was her daddy's eyes from that first moment. Everything was all about her. He was so proud of his little girl. He would be just as proud if he could see her today. Happy 23'rd Birthday sweet Jessica!
Today is a bitter sweet day. Jessica is excited her team the Patriots are in the Supper Bowl and it's her birthday. I can tell she really misses her Daddy a lot today. They were football buddies. I can see Ray right now sitting in his chair with the phone in his hand and a football pool in his lap. Jessica is cheering quietly where if he were hear it would be a lot louder.
I wanted to thank you all for reading my last long post. You will never know how much your comments and stories meant to me. You all are so wonderful. I know I was lucky to have been so blessed with the love of my life and two beautiful girls. I am very grateful for the time I had with Ray but I sure do miss him. I say this a lot because as my post said Time Waits For No One enjoy every second of your life and family!
Donna
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Lazy Day and Faith
Before you star reading this I wanted to warn you it's a little long. If you make it to the end I am thankful to have met you even if it wasn't in person. I have said it over and over blog friends are the BEST!
Today is what I would call my lazy day. Abby our sweet little dog woke me up earlier than I had planned. Usually she will go out and will come straight back in and go back to bed. Today she went out and took her sweet little old time. By the time Abby decided to come back in I was wide awake. As always she came in and went straight to Eleni's room. She went back to bed for a couple more hours. I cut the computer on and started reading blogs and looking at pintrest. Can I just say that is one addicting web site. After a long while Eleni and Abby got up. Then shortly after Jessica and Pepper one of our cats got up. I still continued to read as I ate a bowl of cereal. Not too long after Eleni left with her boyfriend Jessica put in a movie and I hit the couch. I took me a good ol nap. Abby at my feet and Ms Pretty our other cat behind me. I just love naps. Why is it you can fall asleep in a minute on the couch but when you go to bed you lay there wide awake? Can I just say I am still in my pajamas. I had no where to go and plenty to do but I felt the need to be lazy today. I did manage to cook dinner and clean up the kitchen. I am hoping tomorrow will be a more productive day. As I stated I have plenty to do. I need to put out my few Valentine decorations and mop some floors and maybe a little tweaking. :)
When opened blogger up a bit ago I squealed with excitement. I never ever thought it would happen but I hit 100 followers. I'm thinking in a couple of weeks I want to do a give away. I love to read every ones blogs and often find new one's from your favorites. I have met a few ladies who have loved and lost like me. Then there are the other new followers who leave the sweetest messages. I have many long time blogging friends but I always welcome new one's. Blogging has helped me through some rough times. I don't usually post too many pictures but I hope to get better. I know seeing every ones houses is my favorite past time. I look and dream. You all always inspire me with your pictures and family posts. I am not a jealous person well maybe sometimes but I find myself wishing I were some of you. I read about family gatherings and date nights. I just miss that part of my life. When you have been with someone so long it's hard to accept it's final they are not coming back. Which to this day I have trouble accepting this is my life.
Before Ray died we had started going to Church. Tammy over at http://countrygirlathome.blogspot.com/ inspired me to make some changes in our lives. I tried to stress less and lean on God more. I loved the change that came over my family. Sundays we went to Church and then I would cook Sunday dinner as Ray channel surfed. My life felt so perfect in spite of the fact I lost my job and we lost our home. We lived with my Mom a year and it was not easy. Two families just aren't meant to live together long term. Please don't get me wrong I am thankful we were blessed with somewhere to live. Then finally we moved here. We felt so blessed and so happy.
We continued to go to Church and always thanked God for watching over us. I still remember the last night Ray was here. Ray came into our room and he held me just as tight as he could. I said Ray why are you breathing so hard he said I don't know. I said something isn't right he told me his back was killing him. I gave him pain pills the Dr prescribed. Ray took them then he threw them up. He sat beside me and said call 911. Jessica and I followed behind the ambulance. I could see Ray through the back window. He was sitting upward I said to myself he's fine. I knew God was watching over him. I had no fears. When they came and got me they were running up the hall with him. That's when they said he's having a massive heart attack. I looked at Ray and he was as white as a ghost and gasping to take every breath he could. I became scared but I never worried. Then they came out and told me Ray was in serious condition and may not make it. Never once did it enter my head this could be it. Just let me say I gave all of my worries to God I knew Ray was going to be alright. As time went on Ray became a little better. They took him off the ventilator. He was happy and funny I'm sure the meds had a lot to do with that. :) When I left him that night he insisted on a kiss goodbye and we both said I love you. The next day Ray had another heart attack they had to put him back on the ventilator. I remember the Dr taking me into this room to tell me Ray was in very serious condition and once again may not make it. I looked at him and said what am I supposed to do sit here and watch him die because I will not! I knew God was watching over us. Ray was going to be just fine wait and see. Ray did get a little better. I gave all my glory to God. Ray had surgery 6 days later. He went into cardiac arrest as soon as they put him under. They brought him back and he made it through a very long hard surgery. The next day they woke Ray for just a second to see if he would respond. He tried to squeeze my hand and wiggled his toes. Then they put him back under. I was the happiest person in the world. Phillip our priest came daily and he knew how comforting his prayers were for the girls and I. Why shouldn't they be God had gave me Ray back. I prayed prayers of thanks over and over. I knew it was God who kept Ray alive. The next 24 hrs became the worst. Ray's organs began to shut down and we were losing him. I prayed and prayed as hard as I could. I knew once again he was going to turn around but he didn't. It's the hardest thing in the world to hear there is nothing else we can do for him. Cutting that machine off was the hardest decision I have ever made. I was in shock for about two weeks. Then it all hit me. I could not understand why the God I loved would put us through such a thing. He could have taken Ray so many times and spared me from having to make that decision. I still feel a lot of guilt even now and wonder what if I had waited. Who was I to do God's work. I have been back in forth with my faith. I have only been back to Church twice in the past year and a half. I'm so confused on what I think is real. The day before Ray's surgery he would not sleep. I could see the fear in his eyes. That night before surgery they called me to come back to the hospital. Ray was pulling tubes out trying to go home. When I got there he had calmed down. Shortly after I got there Ray started pointing to the corner up by the ceiling. He kept trying to tell me someone was over there. I told him I didn't see anything and went to the corner to show him but he still insisted someone was there. I wonder was it an angel preparing him was it just the drugs. I just don't know what is real. I believe there is a God but I'm just not so sure about the rest. I read the book Heaven is Real. I want to believe it so badly. I want to know Ray is ok and healthy again. I want to know he is with God. I just want some kind of sign. Have you seen the video of the young man who died at Christmas. He talks about how sick he has been all his life and how he went into cardiac arrest. He made this video just days before he died. He talks about the bright light and how peaceful everything was he said he smiled a lot. He died shortly after making this video. His parents said it gave them a piece of comfort. If you haven't seen this it's on You Tube. I just put in the subject box boy dies Christmas. I just want to feel some comfort in knowing Ray is ok.
Sorry this is so long. I didn't intend for it to go on and on. I will say it feels good to open up and share that with someone. If you have read this beginning to end thank you for being my friend and listening to me. I have tried to talk to our preacher and he was a great comfort but it just didn't feel like enough. I have turned to friends but they just don't get it. I guess I just need some type of closure.
Donna
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Hello Again
Once again I sit here in total silence. Everyone is still asleep. It's nice to have some quiet time alone. I don't get a lot of that, usually if the girls aren't bothering me the animals will. No snow here in Chester,VA but a lot of rain. That's ok I am happy with just rain. The snow is pretty but I am a summer girl. I can not wait for flip flop weather.
I have met so many new people in the last two weeks. I started following more blogs. I have found in my old age I am enjoying reading for the first time. I'm not into novels or anything but I enjoy reading about real people and thier every day lives. I have followed some blogs for about 3 years now. I enjoy watching the children and grandchildren grow in post. I love how some have changed thier decorating style. I will be honest I love when everyone does tweaking around the house. My neighbors at my old house used to make fun of me for all the changes I would make. I was so happy when I started blogging and found out I wasn't the only one and it there ia a name for it! They had me thinking this wasn't normal. Well, I am happy to say I am normal after all. I don't change a lot of things in this house. It has yet to feel like home. As you know we were only here six weeks then my husband died. Part of me is looking forward to the move. I need a new slate and begining. When I sit here I see Ray in his chair feet propped on his ottoman with his TV blaring now his chair sits empty and the TV is hardly on. I am hoping for a good tax refund this year. I want to buy new furniture. It will be hard to get rid of Ray's chair but it's time for something new.
I want to thank everyone who has sent me emails. Many of you have sent me your number and said if I ever need to talk. I think this is so sweet but I don't have a house phone. No one ever called us. My dad may call once a week but that was it. We will just use our cell phones. The bad thing about that is we share minutes. The girls mainly text so my dad will be calling my cell. Our lives have changed so much. No one calls no one stops by we see no one. we have guest maybe twice a year and that's when my dad comes to town. It's really kind of sad the girls and I are up against the world all alone.
I'm sorry that all my post seem so sad. I get on here and the words just flow. I hope I have some good things to share in the near future. Maybe even some pictures. I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend. Stay safe and warm and as always thanks for stopping by.
Donna
Monday, January 16, 2012
SILENCE
As I sit here at my desk I am surrounded by silence. I hear absolutely nothing. The girls are still asleep as well as the cats and dog. I know it's just a matter of time before Eleni wakes up and turns on her stereo and calls me fifty times for no reason. Soon Jessica will be waking up and she will turn on the TV to watch while she eats before she leaves for work. Abby will soon be chasing the cats because after all that's what dogs do, but for now I will enjoy the silence.
This year started off a little shaky. I woke up New Year's Day with a migraine that lasted for 3 days. I finally went to the Dr a few prescriptions and a steroid shot later it began to ease up. If anyone out there suffers from migraines you know how bad they can be. Most of the time I have to just sleep them through. Then I woke up with another yesterday. I took some meds and a nap and woke up feeling better. Every since we moved in this house I have suffered migraines. I am wondering if it's from the oil heater furnace. It heats our hot water so it runs all year. I have a carbon monoxide detector but I wonder if the fumes are just enough to give me a headache but not harm me. When we first moved here we were told it was central air and heat and oil hot water. Ok no big deal. Well, what was not told to me is when it gets a certain temperature the oil heat kicks in. Last year it was so cold I was buying oil constantly. This year I am loving the warmer temps. I keep the heat on really low and we just use a lot of blankets. I just don't have the money to spend on oil like I had last year.
I'm not sure if you remember me talking about how much I hated my job. Then things turned around when we got a new manager. He was a blessing in disguise. He really turned our department around and made it a place you wanted to come. When Ray got sick my manager would call and check on us. He was more than a manger he had become my friend. Long story short they announced to us that he would be leaving the department to manage a new department. I can honestly say the whole department was sad. I wish him the best but hate to see him go. They announced who our new senior manager which is another really nice man. I know he will do a good job but it just won't be the same. We all know I'm not a fan of change.
I have gained a few new followers and received a few emails. I'm looking forward to getting to know them better. I have been trying to follow more blogs because I love reading about every one's daily experiences whether it be in decorating or just everyday life. I have said it more times than I'm sure you want to hear I miss my old life. Someone once asked me how I was doing and I said you know your whole daily routine is thrown off. I get up in the mornings and get ready for work alone. I do not get a kiss goodbye or hear I love you. These are the things that can throw your whole routine off. This is all before I get to work so you can imagine how sad my evenings have become. Most nights I eat alone if the girls are out or working. I watch my favorite show The Young and the Restless and then I get on the computer for a bit. Go to bed and read a little and then to sleep. I only go out to buy groceries or if I need something for the house. I probably have been out less than 10 times for fun since Ray died. I am just content at home. I am always afraid I will see people I haven't seen in awhile when I do I really try to go the other way. I just can't handle being asked so how are you doing. The truth is I die a little inside everyday but you would never know. I put on a fake smile for my girls and pretend things are ok. Sometimes it's easier to hide behind a lie than to tell the truth.
I can't believe it everyone is still asleep and all I hear is silence. Wow! I hope you all have a wonderful and blessed day. Thanks again for your kind words and for stopping by.
Donna
This year started off a little shaky. I woke up New Year's Day with a migraine that lasted for 3 days. I finally went to the Dr a few prescriptions and a steroid shot later it began to ease up. If anyone out there suffers from migraines you know how bad they can be. Most of the time I have to just sleep them through. Then I woke up with another yesterday. I took some meds and a nap and woke up feeling better. Every since we moved in this house I have suffered migraines. I am wondering if it's from the oil heater furnace. It heats our hot water so it runs all year. I have a carbon monoxide detector but I wonder if the fumes are just enough to give me a headache but not harm me. When we first moved here we were told it was central air and heat and oil hot water. Ok no big deal. Well, what was not told to me is when it gets a certain temperature the oil heat kicks in. Last year it was so cold I was buying oil constantly. This year I am loving the warmer temps. I keep the heat on really low and we just use a lot of blankets. I just don't have the money to spend on oil like I had last year.
I'm not sure if you remember me talking about how much I hated my job. Then things turned around when we got a new manager. He was a blessing in disguise. He really turned our department around and made it a place you wanted to come. When Ray got sick my manager would call and check on us. He was more than a manger he had become my friend. Long story short they announced to us that he would be leaving the department to manage a new department. I can honestly say the whole department was sad. I wish him the best but hate to see him go. They announced who our new senior manager which is another really nice man. I know he will do a good job but it just won't be the same. We all know I'm not a fan of change.
I have gained a few new followers and received a few emails. I'm looking forward to getting to know them better. I have been trying to follow more blogs because I love reading about every one's daily experiences whether it be in decorating or just everyday life. I have said it more times than I'm sure you want to hear I miss my old life. Someone once asked me how I was doing and I said you know your whole daily routine is thrown off. I get up in the mornings and get ready for work alone. I do not get a kiss goodbye or hear I love you. These are the things that can throw your whole routine off. This is all before I get to work so you can imagine how sad my evenings have become. Most nights I eat alone if the girls are out or working. I watch my favorite show The Young and the Restless and then I get on the computer for a bit. Go to bed and read a little and then to sleep. I only go out to buy groceries or if I need something for the house. I probably have been out less than 10 times for fun since Ray died. I am just content at home. I am always afraid I will see people I haven't seen in awhile when I do I really try to go the other way. I just can't handle being asked so how are you doing. The truth is I die a little inside everyday but you would never know. I put on a fake smile for my girls and pretend things are ok. Sometimes it's easier to hide behind a lie than to tell the truth.
I can't believe it everyone is still asleep and all I hear is silence. Wow! I hope you all have a wonderful and blessed day. Thanks again for your kind words and for stopping by.
Donna
Monday, January 2, 2012
2012
Happy New Year everyone. I hope everyone enjoyed the holidays this year. They came and went so fast. It's true the older you get the faster time goes. I did make it until midnight. I did not watch the ball drop. We have not cut Ray's phone off yet so at midnight I called his phone just to hear his voice. I just needed to start my new year off with him in it. The girls made me a recording of his voice mail message for Christmas. It's time we cut the phone off but I will still have his voice.
This year will come with a lot of changes. My youngest Eleni will be graduating in June. I know we will be moving around that time. Not sure what all the future holds or where we may end up but I know changes are coming. Everyone says June isn't far away and I need to start thinking what's my next move. To be honest it's just too far ahead for me. I'm still taking things one day at a time any more than that is too much.
2011 offered a lot of changes for me. My life seemed too cluttered with things. Once Ray died I started to give away things. I was a huge Boyd's Bear collector and now I have boxed them all away. Anyone looking for a special piece or interested they are free to a good home. I started giving away Longaberger baskets and pottery. I gave away pieces of furniture and pictures. If I didn't use it or want it I just gave it away. I held on to a few pieces of Ray's clothes because they reminded me of him or still smelled like him. I finally parted with those. It's the simple things I have come to cherish the most. I couldn't part with Ray's favorite base ball hat. It's worn and stained but when I see it it makes me smile. Over the years Ray has spoiled me at Christmas. He would buy me bears and baskets galore. Then later in years he started buying me jewelry. My favorite gift of all is the 2 little snowmen globe ornaments he gave me with our names on them. Something he probably bought at Michael's. They are so simple and personal I keep them out year round. I have a basket full of cards and ticket stubs from over the years. I didn't get rid of everything of Ray's. The girls took some things and I kept his sword and knife collection along with his jewelry and golf clubs. I still have our collection of golf balls from when we would go to different places. It's funny because I didn't invade Ray's personal space so to speak. When he died I had to go through his things. In his golf bag I found some old coins Ray had found while playing golf. The girls had given him a #1 Dad golf ball and I was told later by his friends he only used it for putting. He cherished that ball. Once again it's the simple things that mean the most. When it's my time to go I want Jessica and Eleni to want things that make them think of Ray and I, not a bunch of stuff that will end up in a good will or yard sale. Sometimes things are just that things.
2011 my depression seemed to get better. I did away with so many meds. I felt like a zombie some days. I have learned to control my tears in public. Where as before they flowed if you just looked at me. I still see my Dr regularly and he says I've come a long way but I still have a little further to go. I just don't know I will ever be who I once was a part of me died when Ray died. I get up and try to make the best of everyday. Trust me some days it's a real chore but I have to. I hope 2012 will continue to bring me more days I can cope with and less tears.
If you have read this thanks so much. Thanks for stopping by and for always leaving me encouraging messages. It's the theraphy that has helped the most!
This year will come with a lot of changes. My youngest Eleni will be graduating in June. I know we will be moving around that time. Not sure what all the future holds or where we may end up but I know changes are coming. Everyone says June isn't far away and I need to start thinking what's my next move. To be honest it's just too far ahead for me. I'm still taking things one day at a time any more than that is too much.
2011 offered a lot of changes for me. My life seemed too cluttered with things. Once Ray died I started to give away things. I was a huge Boyd's Bear collector and now I have boxed them all away. Anyone looking for a special piece or interested they are free to a good home. I started giving away Longaberger baskets and pottery. I gave away pieces of furniture and pictures. If I didn't use it or want it I just gave it away. I held on to a few pieces of Ray's clothes because they reminded me of him or still smelled like him. I finally parted with those. It's the simple things I have come to cherish the most. I couldn't part with Ray's favorite base ball hat. It's worn and stained but when I see it it makes me smile. Over the years Ray has spoiled me at Christmas. He would buy me bears and baskets galore. Then later in years he started buying me jewelry. My favorite gift of all is the 2 little snowmen globe ornaments he gave me with our names on them. Something he probably bought at Michael's. They are so simple and personal I keep them out year round. I have a basket full of cards and ticket stubs from over the years. I didn't get rid of everything of Ray's. The girls took some things and I kept his sword and knife collection along with his jewelry and golf clubs. I still have our collection of golf balls from when we would go to different places. It's funny because I didn't invade Ray's personal space so to speak. When he died I had to go through his things. In his golf bag I found some old coins Ray had found while playing golf. The girls had given him a #1 Dad golf ball and I was told later by his friends he only used it for putting. He cherished that ball. Once again it's the simple things that mean the most. When it's my time to go I want Jessica and Eleni to want things that make them think of Ray and I, not a bunch of stuff that will end up in a good will or yard sale. Sometimes things are just that things.
2011 my depression seemed to get better. I did away with so many meds. I felt like a zombie some days. I have learned to control my tears in public. Where as before they flowed if you just looked at me. I still see my Dr regularly and he says I've come a long way but I still have a little further to go. I just don't know I will ever be who I once was a part of me died when Ray died. I get up and try to make the best of everyday. Trust me some days it's a real chore but I have to. I hope 2012 will continue to bring me more days I can cope with and less tears.
If you have read this thanks so much. Thanks for stopping by and for always leaving me encouraging messages. It's the theraphy that has helped the most!
Donna
Friday, December 30, 2011
Changes
A sudden sadness came over me today as I took down the Christmas decorations. I had a very hard time with Christmas this year. I bet our tree wasn't cut on 10 times. This past week I have cut it on every night. Something about the tree brought me peace. Like sitting by my pool did in the summer months. Why must the things that bring us the most comfort and peace have to go away?
Everyone has plans for New Year's even if it's to sit home and watch the ball drop. Staying at home doesn't bother me at all it's the loneliness that comes with it. I have struggled time and time again with losing Ray. I didn't just lose my husband and friend I lost my title as a wife. I can always remember wanting to get married and have children. I loved being a wife. It's hard because when someone dies every thing changes. You are now not a couple but single no longer a wife but a widow things will no longer be what they were. Once again my comfort and peace were gone.
I hope everyone this year will treasure every single day you have with loved one's. None of us are guaranteed tomorrow. Takes a lot of pictures and make a lot of memories. My memories are now all I have for peace and comfort. If you have gotten anything out of my blog this past year remember to say I love you when you can and I'm sorry when you need to! I never imagined my life like this and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Happy New Year everyone and thanks for stopping by!
Donna
Everyone has plans for New Year's even if it's to sit home and watch the ball drop. Staying at home doesn't bother me at all it's the loneliness that comes with it. I have struggled time and time again with losing Ray. I didn't just lose my husband and friend I lost my title as a wife. I can always remember wanting to get married and have children. I loved being a wife. It's hard because when someone dies every thing changes. You are now not a couple but single no longer a wife but a widow things will no longer be what they were. Once again my comfort and peace were gone.
I hope everyone this year will treasure every single day you have with loved one's. None of us are guaranteed tomorrow. Takes a lot of pictures and make a lot of memories. My memories are now all I have for peace and comfort. If you have gotten anything out of my blog this past year remember to say I love you when you can and I'm sorry when you need to! I never imagined my life like this and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Happy New Year everyone and thanks for stopping by!
Donna
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Anniversaries
As many of you know from my previous post that November 2nd would have been 25 years since Ray and I started dating. This past Friday the 2nd would have been our 23rd wedding anniversary. This was always my favorite time of year. Ray and I always spent time alone and did a little Christmas shopping for the girls. In the earlier years we would get a over night sitter but later in years we would go to Williamsburg for the weekend. I have so many wonderful memories of anniversaries past. I can't but help to feel really alone this time of year now.
I put our tree and decorations up a couple of weekends ago. It's just not the same for me. I loved to have my tree on and I could sit by it for hours just looking at it. This year I don't even cut it on. Jessica and Eleni turn it on by it's almost invisible to me this year. My heart is just not the same. I am trying to get past this but this year seems a little harder. I used to love Thanksgiving and Black Friday. I did do both this year for my girls. If it weren't for them I could probably sleep through all of this.
On a good note I have so enjoyed all of the pictures of every ones house decorated. I love all the prim ornaments and decor. My poor tree doesn't have a topper. I just can not find one I really like. They are too gaudy and just not prim enough. I still have time maybe I will run across something I like. At work we are having a contest for best decorated cubical. I decided to participate just for the heck of it. I'm doing a winter wonderland. We can not use lights because of fire issues. So I bought a lot of blue and silver garland and tons of snow flakes. You can get so much for so little at the dollar tree. I'll let you know how it turns out. I even bought a couple of blue frames. I'm going to put up a few older Christmas pictures of my girls and Ray and I.
I guess i better close for now. Thanks again for stopping by and always a big THANKS for your wonderful comments!
Donna
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