Sunday, February 6, 2011

So Sad and So Hurt

When Ray was in the hospital I was overwhelmed with friends and family. I almost wish I had be given a little more alone time with him. Same thing when he died. Everyone was around and promised to be around. Well, guess what there is no one. My phone doesn't ring and we don't get any visitors. It's just me and my girls against the world. Now when we could use someone to help with a few things there is no one. Why do people make promises they know they won't keep? Why are we so vulnerable we believe them?
I'm feeling very down today. I feel really lonely. Yesterday was Jessica's birthday. She had a few friends over and we did cake and ice cream. I just wonder how she felt not having her dad here? Eleni can't look at a scrapbook or picture of her Dad without crying. I think these long winter days are getting to us.
I am so confused as to what to do next. I like this house ok but it's a lot of work for me. Working full time and trying to do everything is taking it's toll on me. I don't care for apartment living but it may be my best bet. I don't know which way to turn. Eleni has one more year of school and then I will have more options. I so miss the life I had 6 months ago.
I know my posts aren't happy or even about decorating but it's about me and how I am feeling. I need to let it out and what better place than here. There are so many wonderful people who blog and on FB. I have a question for you all. I know there are a lot of Christian women out here as well. Here is my question do you believe when we get to heaven we will know one another? I have been so worried that when I die Ray will not be waiting for me. I just need to know will I ever see him and be with him again?