Sunday, February 6, 2011

So Sad and So Hurt

When Ray was in the hospital I was overwhelmed with friends and family. I almost wish I had be given a little more alone time with him. Same thing when he died. Everyone was around and promised to be around. Well, guess what there is no one. My phone doesn't ring and we don't get any visitors. It's just me and my girls against the world. Now when we could use someone to help with a few things there is no one. Why do people make promises they know they won't keep? Why are we so vulnerable we believe them?
I'm feeling very down today. I feel really lonely. Yesterday was Jessica's birthday. She had a few friends over and we did cake and ice cream. I just wonder how she felt not having her dad here? Eleni can't look at a scrapbook or picture of her Dad without crying. I think these long winter days are getting to us.
I am so confused as to what to do next. I like this house ok but it's a lot of work for me. Working full time and trying to do everything is taking it's toll on me. I don't care for apartment living but it may be my best bet. I don't know which way to turn. Eleni has one more year of school and then I will have more options. I so miss the life I had 6 months ago.
I know my posts aren't happy or even about decorating but it's about me and how I am feeling. I need to let it out and what better place than here. There are so many wonderful people who blog and on FB. I have a question for you all. I know there are a lot of Christian women out here as well. Here is my question do you believe when we get to heaven we will know one another? I have been so worried that when I die Ray will not be waiting for me. I just need to know will I ever see him and be with him again?


Mandie said...

I'm sorry for all you are going through Donna. I don't know the true answer to you question but I do believe we will know one another in heaven. You are in my prayers.

At Home With Amy said...

I have always been taught that we will know each other in heaven but it will no be like we are husband and wife. Still this will not make us sad either. There will be no grief or pain or sorrow.

Have you talked to your minister or someone close about how you are feeling Donna. Your longing for answers and you need someone to help you thru this. I am really worried about you. I will keep you in prayer and I will continue to offer encouragement to you when you post on your blog. I cannot imagine what you have been thru but I know you will be okay in time.
Hugs and Prayers,

Anonymous said...

the first year is the hardest. it seems every day and every event is so difficult that never again will you be able to enjoy things again. it does get easier with time. things will never be the same but you learn to live your new life and get joy from it. give yourself time. and yes, i believe we will know eachother. why would we want to go there if it was just a place full of strangers. we will know eachother and rejoice in being together again. my prayers are with you and your girls.

Carmen C. said...

Donna, I'm always here to listen, and the grieving process is a long, hard road, and time does help,you will always miss Ray, but you will one day get to the point where you can enjoy life again. I TOTALLY believe we will know each other in Heaven, not in our physical body but in spirit body which is our soul and I don't doubt for a minute your Ray will be the first in line to welcome you home dear friend. I have a couple books that were of comfort to me when a relative passed and I had to know *why* and do we go on in some form, if you would be interested in them please let me know, you can message me your addy on FB and I will send them to you. as for the people not coming around, I don't think it's that they don't care as much as they don't know what to do or say, and maybe they just want to give you some time/space. You and your girls are in my prayers everyday Donna, let me know if there is ANYTHING I can do for you ((HUGS))

Anonymous said...

Donna, I am so sorry you and your children are hurting so badly. I can't understand how you feel, but yes, I believe beyond a shadow of doubt that when we get to heaven we will meet and know each other if we belong to Christ. The Lord has promised us we will see Him, and be known as we were known. He is faithful to keep His promises. Please try to lean on what His Word tells you, just one day at a time, let His strength carry you. I will continue to pray for you.
Please read 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18
This tells us we have hope about the dead, so we can grieve as those who have hope, we will be with them, and Him. Try to rest and take it one day at a time.

Tammy ~ A Primitive Place said...

Oh sweetheart, Of course he will know you.
He will be waiting for you to welcome you home.

I believe our loved ones that have passed still watch over us here on earth.
Speak to us through our thoughts and prayers.
Others may disagree with me, but I believe it with all my heart.
I am so sorry you are going through this.
I will remember you in my prayers and send all my positive thoughts your way.

Tammy ~ A Primitive Place said...

I meant to say...
They speak to us through our thoughts and dreams.

Robin said...

Hi Donna, this is my first visit to your blog...and the answer to your question is YES!!!! Your hubby is with you always my friend, just in a different way. He is the "feeling" you get in your soul, don't ever second guess that feeling!!! He is the angel with wings that sits on your shoulder giving you gentle but firm guidance that will help you over the next few months or how ever long...there is no time on tears!!! This to shall pass...just keep looking UP!!!! (millstonemercantile)

Dan said...


I firmly believe that your husband will know you when you get to heaven. He is with you now and he is with your girls. You see him every time you look at them. You see him in their eyes and you hear him in their laughter. I cannot even begin to imagine what you are going through right now, but there are people out there who do understand. My prayer is that you can come into contact with those people and together you can start healing.

All My Best,

Anonymous said...

So sorry for your loss and grieving. My dad passed away over a year ago and it's still so fresh in my mind. A highly recommended book is Randy Alcorn's Heaven. Some of te chapters are a bit dry but there's a wealth of info that's so comforting. Our SS teacher believes we will all be 33 like Jesus and we are to have the mind of Christ too. Peggy

Susannah said...

Hi Donna, I have been thinking alot about you today. I hope it is a better day for you. I have always thought that Ray will be right there in Heaven waiting for you with open arms. And you will be husband and wife. My Dad passed away at 41 years old and I was 19 at the time. I was only married for two weeks. I am now in my 60s. I have to say that if I had not believed that I would see him someday...I never could have made it. Then my Mom passed away when she was only 58 and I knew that Dad was waiting for her and they are together today. I believe they are husband and wife. I believe Dad is driving his team of horses and Mom is sewing. It is so comforting to think that way. It has to be that way or we would not want to go there.

I have you and your girls in my prayers. Try to may be hard but it is the best medicine. Thinking of you and hoping each day gets better.


Anonymous said...

Hello Donna, I so understand at least most of what you are going through. I think of you often, which doesn't help you, I know. I do agree with your comments about people saying they are going to be there for you and then they are gone. Unfortunately for you, and fortunately for them, they CANNOT even come close to the emotions you are experiencing. I believe their intentions are good, especially in the very beginning, but when the funeral is over, most just go on with their lives like before, which, I guess is what they are suppose to do, but are grieving continues, for a life time.
So many of my beliefs have changed since my husband died. I don't believe for the best at times, either, but it is what it is. I keep telling myself that God see's the whole picture.
I do think that our husband's will know us, but it won't ever be the same, yet we will be content. is so hard to grasp.
My thoughts are always with you. Hugs to you. Lorry

A Primitive Homestead said...

Your blog posts may not be about decorating or happiness as you said but it is where you are in your season of life. From the comments you have already received be assured we are all here for you no matter what season of life you are in at the time of your post. I am sorry so many well meaning folks promised to be there for you & the girls but are not there now. Many that made the promises might just not realize just how heart broken you are or know what to say to you. You said you need to let out what you feel. I believe you are right. It is best not to hold things in. Your heart can only hold in so much. Bolg friends want to read your posts & offer comments in hopes of helping to encourage you to keep going. I don't know you personal away from the blog but I do want you to know you are thought of. Prayers for you & the girls. Blessings!

A Primitive Homestead said...

As I sat tonight catching up on the weekend posts of the blogs I follow I looked for a new post of yours. But I did not find you. So I thought I would just drop by & say hi there. Blessings!

Lady Jane said...

Donna this is my first visit to you and my heart goes out to you. Please seek out your Church or Hospital for a grief counseling group. They all are going thru the same thing as yourself and sometimes we need that friendship. Maybe our other friends dont seem to understand. Not that they dont want to but it scares them. They dont want to visulize themselves in your place, maybe that is selfish but it is also understandable. Your girls are going thru the same thing. Be strong for them dear Donna. You are being tested beyond your belief. With prayer you can make it. He is there in Gods arms and he is in so much happiness. It is us who are left behind that have probs and need all the help we can get, but sometimes we need to seek out that help ourselves. You are in a lot of peoples prayers, mine included and prayer will help you find your way thru this trial you are going thru. Yes, I believe he will be there along with others in our life. It is what gets me thru this life of trials and tribulations. Be strong, courageous and believe all will be ok in the end. Prayers to you and yours.

justin said...

I went through the exact same thing when my husband died...everyone promised to be there for me and they were til 'after the funeral'...then they were gone...I have had to learn to basically live with my children and myself as everyone has basically deserted's almost as if a widow has a disease? Soooo very sorry for your loss.....

renee said...

You bet you will know him! I would like to share something with you that happened to me. I won't post it here, but let me tell you, Heaven is a most wondrous place, you just feel love.
There is no sadness, and yes, I was also taught that we will know each other, but it will not be quite the same way.
I know I am asking some questions you have most likely been asked, but have you talked to your pastor?
Don't make any hasty decisions just yet, I think people have good intentions, sometimes they may think that they are in your way or something. Sometime I will share my story with you if you would like to hear it.
Hugs and prayers to you!
Renee ( I think Lorry already contacted you) You should connect with her, she's a real sweetheart of a lady!