Sunday, April 10, 2011


I just wanted to say thanks to everyone who has commented lately. Your stories and kind words go further than you will ever know. I am thankful and blessed to have you all as my blogging friends.
As you all know I'm not loving my job but I go and do the best I can every day. I have been trying to get OT when they offer it. I don't sleep through the night anymore. I always wake up looking for Ray. Then I realize this wasn't a bad dream and just lay there and think. So you add the OT and lack of sleep and anything could happen right? I just arrived at work the other day and I was standing and waiting for the elevator. The elevators have those mirrored doors. I just happen to be looking down and so my reflection of my feet. I had on one black shoe and one brown shoe. I couldn't help but laugh at myself. Most people didn't notice but those who did also got a laugh. On to the good stuff. Last week I received my package from Pam. I won the APP drawing. I was shocked and excited. I have admired Pam's baskets for some time. Let me tell you she does great work. She also included a cute brown bunny, some potpourri, and this spring pillow that I just love! Thanks APP and Pam for making me smile.
A few have asked me and suggested I get in touch with Lorry. I have actually been in touch with her for sometime. She has been wonderful to me. She truly understands everything I feel. We have emailed a few times and comment on FB. She is a truly amazing lady.


Sunday, April 3, 2011


I look outside my front window and I see a family coming home from Church. That used to be me. Sundays were the day it was all about family. We went to Church came home cooked Sunday dinner and just lounged. It was a great life! I look out my back window and see the couple behind me getting their garden ready. That used to be me. Ray was all about his garden and we would work together every year. I see my life all around me. I haven't been able to return to Church. It's just so hard to go back and Ray not be by my side. I could grow a garden but I am forced to try and find us another home. I just can not afford this any longer. The sad part is if I move into an apartment I will have to give up so many things Ray worked so hard to give me. I have a fairly new washer and refrigerator. I have more furniture than an apartment can hold. I got rid of so many things when we down sized it just seems unfair I have to keep giving away parts of my life. To some it's just stuff but to me it was our things. When will I ever have a normal life again or will I?

I so appreciate all the comments that have been left on my blog and for the new followers. I have said this before blog friends are the best. They listen and care I have really had a hard time with a few of my closest friends. I know they care but they are pushing me. I have heard so many times it's time to move on and not dwell on this. I'm sorry I'm not dwelling I am grieving for my husband. There are days when I don't want to get up I want to just be with Ray again. I miss him so much and if it takes time then why don't they just give it to me. It's been 7 1/2 months. Let me tell you about what our life is like now. My phone never rings. It may ring once maybe twice a week. Only 3 people call my father, my sister in-law from SC, and my friend Donna. I have a mother right up the street and a sister a few miles away They never call or come by. To this day my Mom has not been to my house and it's not because she wasn't invited. Ray's family other than his brother from SC has nothing to do with us. Ray died and it's almost like we were buried with him. I hear from my friends through text or emails every now and again. They will ask how I am doing and their my friends I tell them not so good some days. Do they listen no they just are quick to tell no you can't feel that way you need to this and that. So my real true support has come from you and I am so thankful you are all my friends!

Something good did happen to me this week I received and email from Linda of Behind My Red Door. She informed me I had won the APP drawing. I can not wait to get my new basket. I have admired Pam's work for so long. Thanks to APP and Pam for the smile!