Friday, December 30, 2011


A sudden sadness came over me today as I took down the Christmas decorations. I had a very hard time with Christmas this year. I bet our tree wasn't cut on 10 times. This past week I have cut it on every night. Something about the tree brought me peace. Like sitting by my pool did in the summer months. Why must the things that bring us the most comfort and peace have to go away?

Everyone has plans for New Year's even if it's to sit home and watch the ball drop. Staying at home doesn't bother me at all it's the loneliness that comes with it. I have struggled time and time again with losing Ray. I didn't just lose my husband and friend I lost my title as a wife. I can always remember wanting to get married and have children. I loved being a wife. It's hard because when someone dies every thing changes. You are now not a couple but single no longer a wife but a widow things will no longer be what they were. Once again my comfort and peace were gone.

I hope everyone this year will treasure every single day you have with loved one's. None of us are guaranteed tomorrow. Takes a lot of pictures and make a lot of memories. My memories are now all I have for peace and comfort. If you have gotten anything out of my blog this past year remember to say I love you when you can and I'm sorry when you need to! I never imagined my life like this and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Happy New Year everyone and thanks for stopping by!


Sunday, December 4, 2011


As many of you know from my previous post that November 2nd would have been 25 years since Ray and I started dating. This past Friday the 2nd would have been our 23rd wedding anniversary. This was always my favorite time of year. Ray and I always spent time alone and did a little Christmas shopping for the girls. In the earlier years we would get a over night sitter but later in years we would go to Williamsburg for the weekend. I have so many wonderful memories of anniversaries past. I can't but help to feel really alone this time of year now.

I put our tree and decorations up a couple of weekends ago. It's just not the same for me. I loved to have my tree on and I could sit by it for hours just looking at it. This year I don't even cut it on. Jessica and Eleni turn it on by it's almost invisible to me this year. My heart is just not the same. I am trying to get past this but this year seems a little harder. I used to love Thanksgiving and Black Friday. I did do both this year for my girls. If it weren't for them I could probably sleep through all of this.

On a good note I have so enjoyed all of the pictures of every ones house decorated. I love all the prim ornaments and decor. My poor tree doesn't have a topper. I just can not find one I really like. They are too gaudy and just not prim enough. I still have time maybe I will run across something I like. At work we are having a contest for best decorated cubical. I decided to participate just for the heck of it. I'm doing a winter wonderland. We can not use lights because of fire issues. So I bought a lot of blue and silver garland and tons of snow flakes. You can get so much for so little at the dollar tree. I'll let you know how it turns out. I even bought a couple of blue frames. I'm going to put up a few older Christmas pictures of my girls and Ray and I.

I guess i better close for now. Thanks again for stopping by and always a big THANKS for your wonderful comments!