Friday, November 11, 2011

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday Ray. Today he would have been 43. I was looking forward to many more birthdays and holidays with him and my girls. Sometimes I just want to pick up the phone and tell him about my day or the latest gossip I heard. I have to remind myself sometimes he's really gone. Seems so unfair he was so young. I know I seem to be dwelling on Ray a lot. This time of year was so special to us and I miss him being excited with me and shopping with me. Ray was great at surprising me with gifts. Every year he tried to give me a nice piece of jewelry or some little trinket with our names on it. I loved the jewelry don't get me wrong but those little gifts mean just as much to me. it's funny what we find special. I have a basket with littlet hings in it I saved over the years. Old movie stubs little notes saying Ray loves Donna. These little things mean more to me now than they ever did. I am thankful for all those little pieces of memories I kept. Just wondering have you kept little things like this? I guess I am very sentimental because I did the same thing with my girls. I made Jessica a scrapbook with things from her school days. I had kept little things from every year. Now I have to finish Eleni's book. I hope one day they will be like me and  keep those little things since they both swear they will not follow in my country decor foot steps.

I have been reading a few new blogs lately since some of the blogs I loved to follow quit blogging. I have even added a few new followers. I just hope I don't bore you too much. It's kind of funny I met a lot of the bloggers from the Country Sampler forum, then I followed their blogs, and now I follow many of them on Face Book. Time just keeps moving even when you wish it would slow down some.

Just curious has anyone started decorating for Christmas?


Wednesday, November 2, 2011


I woke up with a stomach bug this morning so I called out. I was catching up on the blogs and realized I hadn't posted in almost a month. So today I thought I would write about something very special to me. Today Ray and I started dating 25 years ago. We were so young and carefree seems like ages ago. If I had known then what I know now I wouldn't have done anything differently except maybe take more pictures of us together. I work with a group of young women most single mom's. I admire them for making it but I also feel bad for them. They were saying yesterday how hard dating is now. They asked how did Ray and I made it all those years. I said it's like a job you have to work at it. You have to be willing to listen and forgive. They don't think they will ever have that. I said when the right one comes along you just know. I have faith that one day they will also find the love of their lives.

Today I find myself really missing Ray. What an amazing thing these days to be with someone all those years. It's funny the things I can remember now that I had forgot about over the years. Once Ray and I went and sat on a park bench that over looked the city. I rode by there thousands of times before and forgot all about it. Seems like my memories are so much more detailed. I do sleep a lot these days. Everyone says I am sleeping too much and I need to get out and do something. The best thing about sleeping is dreaming about Ray. I just close my eyes and it's like living my life all over again. That is until I have to wake up and realize that he's gone all over again. I can only say in all honestly I would do anything and give up everything for one more day.

I will say one thing all my blog friends have stuck by me. You all always leave me a positive and kind comment. I don't hear from anyone anymore. Our phone never rings and no one ever comes by. This didn't used to bother me because I had Ray and the girls. They are my whole life. I just feel bad for the girls seems like everyone has moved on and forgot about them. It's hard being both mom and dad. I miss my old life.