Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Wearing Your Heart On Your Sleeve

I wish for once I could post some good news or just some happy thoughts. Seems lately I have been wearing my heart on my sleeve. I feel myself getting angered by things that usually wouldn't bother me. Seems like the support I had from friends is slowly fading away. I feel really alone as if I'm a stranger on the outside looking in. It's been a stressful time with all the life changes but then there are the everyday life issues we have to deal with as well.

I have been really worried about Eleni doing well on exams and SOL's. She has 3 exams left but I'm happy to report she will pass everything for the year. Which is a big deal considering Science and History have been really tough for her. This time of year is also a reminder of my Nanny passing away on the 10th which has left me really emotional lately. Although it will be 2 years I still miss her and I would give anything to just see her one more time. Watching her take that last breath is something I will never forget.

Summer is usually my favorite season. I love the hot weather and longer days. If I was ever feeling down I would usually go outside and escape by my pool. I would spend every spare moment by that pool. It was like my own little vacation spot most of the time. I am missing that pool more than I ever imagined. 

I guess I just don't know where I fit in anymore. I feel like I am lost and can't find my way home. I was praying for guidance but now I pray for patience. Still no word on the job or Ray's SS. It's just getting harder as each day passes. I mentioned that I really wanted a job for my birthday. Eleni's birthday is in July and she told me all she wants is a house for her birthday. I sure hope one of us gets our wish.

Sunday I watched Marley and Me. Great movie but a real tear jerker. I highly recommend it if you haven't seen it.

Donna


14 comments:

basketsnprims said...

Donna ~
Hang in there & things will happen just at the right time ~ God's time, not ours.
hugs,
Pam

Cindy B said...

Seems when problems are at their worst, tomorrow comes and we see them in a new light. Home is where your hearts are even though life changes each day. I know what you meaning about missing loved ones..it is so hard, yet they made you the person you are and their memories live on through us. Be strong and know God is there with you doing amazing things you have yet to discover.

Tomatoe Creek Prims said...

I agree with Pam...it will be in His time not ours and I think as humans that is so hard to except but it does happen, I've seen it happen personally!
Rondell

Goat Creek Grandma said...

Donna, I have been where you are and there are days that I still feel like I am there but know God is listening. Like the others have said.. it will all be in His time, not ours. Hard when your an impatient Italian! *lol* You and your family are in my prayers. *big hug*

I miss our pool too. The buyers of our house wouldn't let us come back to get it so now we have no way to escape the heat here. I worry about Wendell in the heat but so far we have been blessed with a nice breeze that blows through here.

Take care and if you ever want a shoulder to lean on, I am here.

Debbie

Kath said...

((((((((hugs))))))) :)
I have to agree with Pam too...EVERYTHING is in GOD'S time...HE will get you through this, Donna. Always Believe-That's all HE wants ya do to...trust and believe....He's got a plan!

-Kath

Linda / Behind My Red Door said...

Hi Donna,

I can't say it any better than the other gals but I will add that we are stillhere for you even if other's seem to be fading away. I think it is human nature that some just don't know what to sat or how to act and so they stay away. I am not saying that is right, but just how it is. I have seen it so many times with other families going through hard times - be it financial or health so don't think it is just you. I know that is little consolation when you need yor friedns the most though.

I will pray that each of you gets the answer you are praying for. Don't be afraid to come to us for more moral support either!

hugs, Linda

Carmen C. said...

Donna, Hang in there a little longer, you are such a strong person! It is very hard to go on when we lose loved ones, but my belief system is that only the body dies, the soul is eternal and I'm sure your nanny's still with you in spirit, giving you this amazing strenth you have to see you through this, and please don't give up hope...you never know what tomorrow will bring:)

Karen said...

Good morning Donna - I wish I had all the right things to say to you but only you can find the words or the thoughts...it is a very difficult time for all of you and I PRAY that things will shine brighter as the days go on....feeling alone is an awful feeling...please try and find some bright spots to focus on.
I will pray for you Donna.

Big hugs and it looks like you have lots of friends here watching over you and having positive thoughts for you and your family.
It might not be the same as those who you speak to everyday but WE'RE HERE - supporting you however we can.

Susannah said...

Now, there is a bright spot ...your daughter passing all of her tests! Isn't that great?

I know it is hard. I agree with the others that there will be a good tomorrow. Just be thankful that you have a roof over your head although I know it is difficult. You and yours are still in my nightly prayers.
Sending lots of hugs your way, Donna.

Friends,
Susannah

At Home With Amy said...

You will win this battle Donna if you can just hang in there. You are down but your are not out. Things have to turn around for you with everyone praying for you and your family. Just keep the faith. Don't dwell on the bad things but stay focused on the good things a little more.
Warm hugs and special thoughts to you.
~AMY~

STITCHINPRIM said...

Dear Donna:
This is the first time I have seen your blog and I feel for you.. i know where you are and it's not a good feeling.. Trust me, i've been there and am somewhat now..
God is still in control and I'm praying for you.. don't know your situation but from your post , I know you are struggling..
I will pray for you daily.
Blessings,
Maurine

Laura of Harvest Lane Cottage said...

Hi Donna,
I just found you through the Country Girl's blog.

I've not read enough to know what's all going on with you.

But right this moment, I'm praying for God's peace, joy, and
hope to increase in your life right now.

I've been through some really tough things, too. My momma's death really gets to me sometimes. I can only tell you that Father God takes us through these times individually. How I have recovered is not the same as the way you'll recover.

I can tell you this for sure, though. God is faithful. He loves you and will never leave you nor forsake you.

Cry out to Jesus, Donna. He's never too busy for you.

As for the pool, I assume you've moved. I've missed having a fireplace. I love watching flickering flames, so sometimes I just turn off the lights and enjoy the flickering of a candle or a group of candles.

Ask Father God for an idea to help you fill that place that the pool used to fill for you.

He will help you.

Blessings to you,
Laura

Kindra said...

Donna, you hang in there. I know things are tough right now, but just remember that we are all here for you. I hope to hear about good job news soon!

This Country Girl said...

I sure wish you lived closer to me, Donna! You could come swim with Joy and me! I wish there was more I could do for you! And it's much easier for me on this end to tell you that things will work out when it's not me, but I do hope you trust that God hasn't forgotten you. I just know he has plans for you and they are good!

Thank you again for being so sweet to send ME goodies when you're feeling so down! I hope and pray you're blessed 10 times over for it!

Hugs and Blessings!
Tammy