Monday, September 20, 2010

THE END


I keep trying to find my way but I keep getting lost. I am really having a difficult time with the loss of my husband Ray. I miss him so much some days it actually hurts to breathe. I even pray that God will just come get me so I can see him again. Things are so different and everyone says give it time. Time what does that mean time to get used to Ray being gone? Time to forget? My heart is broken into a million tiny pieces and I can't put it back together. I actually feel like I am dieing that my body is starting to shut down. Nothing will ever be the same.


We moved into our home six weeks before he got sick. We were so happy and this house was full of love, joy, and laughter. Now you can hear a pin drop. I try to be strong for my girls. I have learned to cry alone, in a pillow, and in the shower. I can't figure out what I am supposed to do next. My life has always been about Ray and the girls. My girls are getting older Ray and I were looking forward to being grandparents one day and maybe moving to South Carolina. We had dreams now my dreams and my best friend are gone. I just don't understand how and why this happened why now?


I tried to go back to work twice. It was hard riding by the hospital and working for the hospital. The first time they sent me home because I was an emotional wreck. I tried to go back again and cried for 2 days and now I am out under Dr's care and seeing a counselor. I have no clue what's next for me and my girls. I can only tell you I would not wish this pain on anyone.


This will probably be my last post on this blog. Thanks to all of you who have always been there and stuck by me. Please know I have loved getting to know each and everyone of you and thanks for inviting me into your home.


Donna

16 comments:

OLD CROW FARM said...

My heart is breaking for you. There are no words to help...Trust me, I know, I lost my husband fourteen years ago. Please reconsider closing your blog. If for no other reason it's a place for you to 'talk', to 'vent' and to rememember. Hold tight to your girls and all your wonderful memories. You'll be in my prayers and if you need to talk, please feel free to email me. Hugs, Sher

Pieced Pastimes said...

I am so sorry to read about your loss and sadness. I agree with Sher that you may want to keep your blog open as you may find a time in the future that you will want to post again. Praying for God's healing hand to comfort you. With much sympathy - Suzanne.

At Home With Amy said...

Donna I can't even imagine what you have gone thru and are still dealing with. There is no set time in which you have to be alright with the death of your husband. We all handle grief differently and you will know what is right for you in time. I will pray for you that the Lord will comfort you and give you hope for your future as you move on and make a new life for you and your family.
Hugs and blessings,
AMY

Carmen C. said...

Donna, I know there is nothing I can say to you to help the pain. I have never lost a husband but I have lost many others who were very dear to me and trust me when I say *time* does help, it won't take the pain away but it does ease it. I agree with the others to keep your blog, even if you don't post for a long while, let us all be here for you sweet friend, let us give you our love and support, so many of us have come to care so much for you. I know you have been strong for a very long time now, but please continue to be for your girls Donna, they need you now more than ever, and always remember Ray lives on through them, he lives on in Heaven and he is still by your side, just in a different form now (((BIG HUGS)))

•♦•The Olde Weeping Cedar •♦• said...

Oh Donna,
I know nothing I can say will help you...
I think of ya everyday♥
...I'm at a loss when it comes to knowing how you feel, I can't begin to know the deep hurt your heart is enduring. I can only imagine how hard this is for you and for the girls.
I agree too, maybe just think about keepin your blog...or starting a new one, it does us some good sometimes to have a place to come and let things out...so many friends on here care for you and I know they will support you in any way they can.
Just being able to read a few encouraging words from a friend may lift you, if even a tiny bit, on any given day.
I also agree w/Amy...there is NO time frame when it comes to grieving....I can't begin to know how different life is now, how difficult the changes are and will be...You don't know how badly I wish I could say something-anything that would take just a little of your sorrow away.

I'm keepin you and your girls in my prayers--(((hugs))).

Elizabeth said...

I just discovered your blog and I am so sorry for your loss. My advice to you is just try to get through one day at a time. I have known several women who have loss their husband and know that the pain does get easier and one day you will be able to be happy and enjoy all the wonderful memories without pain. I hope you do keep your blog open,it can help you and you may be able to help someone else going through a loss. You are in my prayers. Elizabeth

In His service, Anne said...

Donna,
You and the girls are contiunally in my prayers!! I cant imagine what your going through, I pray the Lord will give you the grace you need. Please keep your blog open so we can know how your doing, we all Im sure would hate no knowing how you are. I wish I could just hug you and be a shoulder for you right now.
Your friend,
Anne

Farm Field Primitives said...

I am so sorry. I wish there was a magic wand to wave and make it all go away. The help you are receiving will help. Also, maybe you and your girls just need to have a big crying session together. I know you think you need to be strong, but it may help you all. Think of the house as a gift from Ray. You were without so long and now he knows he left you with a place to call your own. I wish I could do something. You are all in my prayers. God will get you through....don't give up.
~Melissa~

Janel said...

I too have no words that can take your pain away...no one can do that but time. I lost my husband 15 years ago when he was 36, I was 33 and my sons were 8 & 6. I'm happy for you and the girls that you had your husband in your life a lot longer than I had mine.I still think of him everyday and you will do the same.

It is now a new chapter of your life and in time you will find your way. I will continue to pray for you and the girls...and I hope that this will bring you closer to God. It did for me.

E-mail me if you need to talk...anytime. Blessings, Janel in NJ...ccd4thgrade@yahoo.com

Janene said...

Just letting you know that I am thinking of you, and you are in my prayers.
I pray that in time your grief will diminish and you can find a sense of peace.

Theresa said...

I am so very sorry for your loss. I pray that you will feel the peace of Christ in the coming weeks and months. May you be comforted with memories of the love you shared. God bless you and your girls.

Grammee Linda said...

Donna,

I think of you all the time! I can't imagine the pain and heartache. I wish you and the girls all the best as you face the future.

Big hugs!

Karen/My Colonial Home said...

Dear Donna....words aren't enought to let you know how sorry I am for you and i hurt for you terribly.

PLEASE COULD YOU E-MAIL ME...I have something I need to tell you.

kmprimitives@yahoo.com

Hugs, karen

Tammy ~ Country Girl at Home ~ said...

Donna,

I emailed you. I feel so helpless as to words to comfort you! I hope you can feel the prayers. You can call me anytime. Maybe you should consider a different blog if this one is too painful...I would miss your blogging!

Love, Tammy

Donna~One Simple Country Girl said...

I am so very sorry for your loss. There are no words. Just hugs.
Donna

Trish-Ladybug said...

With deep sympathy in the loss of
you beloved Hubby,NO words can
express the pain which you are feeling,
I also agree keeping you Blog open
is avenue for writing your thoughts
sharing,We are (all) here as support you in anyway we can, Prayers of comfort,

hugz
Trish-Ladybug