Sunday, April 3, 2011

OUTSIDE MY WINDOW

I look outside my front window and I see a family coming home from Church. That used to be me. Sundays were the day it was all about family. We went to Church came home cooked Sunday dinner and just lounged. It was a great life! I look out my back window and see the couple behind me getting their garden ready. That used to be me. Ray was all about his garden and we would work together every year. I see my life all around me. I haven't been able to return to Church. It's just so hard to go back and Ray not be by my side. I could grow a garden but I am forced to try and find us another home. I just can not afford this any longer. The sad part is if I move into an apartment I will have to give up so many things Ray worked so hard to give me. I have a fairly new washer and refrigerator. I have more furniture than an apartment can hold. I got rid of so many things when we down sized it just seems unfair I have to keep giving away parts of my life. To some it's just stuff but to me it was our things. When will I ever have a normal life again or will I?


I so appreciate all the comments that have been left on my blog and for the new followers. I have said this before blog friends are the best. They listen and care I have really had a hard time with a few of my closest friends. I know they care but they are pushing me. I have heard so many times it's time to move on and not dwell on this. I'm sorry I'm not dwelling I am grieving for my husband. There are days when I don't want to get up I want to just be with Ray again. I miss him so much and if it takes time then why don't they just give it to me. It's been 7 1/2 months. Let me tell you about what our life is like now. My phone never rings. It may ring once maybe twice a week. Only 3 people call my father, my sister in-law from SC, and my friend Donna. I have a mother right up the street and a sister a few miles away They never call or come by. To this day my Mom has not been to my house and it's not because she wasn't invited. Ray's family other than his brother from SC has nothing to do with us. Ray died and it's almost like we were buried with him. I hear from my friends through text or emails every now and again. They will ask how I am doing and their my friends I tell them not so good some days. Do they listen no they just are quick to tell no you can't feel that way you need to this and that. So my real true support has come from you and I am so thankful you are all my friends!


Something good did happen to me this week I received and email from Linda of Behind My Red Door. She informed me I had won the APP drawing. I can not wait to get my new basket. I have admired Pam's work for so long. Thanks to APP and Pam for the smile!


Donna

6 comments:

Carmen C. said...

Donna, I am so sorry your friends and family are not there for you when you need them the most, and are pushing you to move on. Honestly I don't think 7 1/2 months after losing a spouse is sufficient time to be ready to "move on", I know for me it would be much longer and no one can tell how long the process is for each person. I've met some wonderful people through blogging and it's true, they are always there for you:) sending a (((((BIG HUG)))))

renee said...

Donna, I wish I could just reach through the screen and give you a big hug! I have thought of you often since finding your blog. You don't have to explain your grieving process to anyone! You just lost your husband, I have said before, I don't know what that is like, I could try and imagine, but it's not quite the same as going through it.
It's just like having special needs children, which we do, no one can imagine what it's like until they are in the situation.
My heart goes out to you, really, I am just so terribly sorry.
I am not sure why people react to things the way they do, or the lack of reaction.
If nothing else, we can be your listening ears. I know I barely know you, but I can feel compassion for what you are enduring.
I truly hope that you will get in touch with Jax~ Lorry. I think you will find her to be a great friend.
Hugs to you!
Renee

basketsnprims said...

Donna, never, ever apologize to anyone for grieving. We are all different and it's a different process for each of us. Your basket is on the way, my friend, and I hope it puts a smile on your face for a moment.
hugs and prayers ~
pam

Ronda said...

Bless your heart, I'm a new follower Donna and I can't begin to imagine what you are going through. You really need the support of family and friends more now than ever. Are there any local support groups in your area....so many times hospitals in the area offer support group meetings..wish we could all just put our arms around you and give you a hug.
~Ronda

The Country Nest said...

Donna,
I just found you and I am so happy you won that basket!!
Donna I was so sorry to read of your loss. I know grieving is a process, not an easy one for sure. One can't explain family...can you talk to them, your Mom? Tell them you need them! What about your church family? I know it gets so quiet after everything is said and done. Hang in there. I wish I had more to offer. Hugs,
Donna

Tammy ~ Country Girl at Home ~ said...

I hurt for you and the girls, Donna! I know how important family life is to you and losing your soul mate and best friend has to be one of the hardest things to face....I really can't even imagine. I agree with whoever said that you should get in touch with Jax. I think talking to someone else feeling like you would be encouraging. And everybody has a right to grieve however and however long is necessary! You're grieving for so much.

I emailed you awhile back and was wondering if you ever got it?

So glad you won the giveaway! You surely deserve it!

Maybe you could try going back to church?.....I'm just thinking that a church family can be such a comfort and support system!

I love the new look of your blog, by the way! :)

Hugs,
Tammy