Monday, January 24, 2011

TIME

Can someone tell me how much TIME has to go by before this pain goes away. For the past
5 1/2 months that's what I have heard it takes time. I miss my husband so much it actually hurts at times. One of my favorite movies is The Notebook. I know the book ends differently than the movie. I really think I will die from a broken heart like Noah in the movie. The love he had for Allie is like the love I have for Ray. How do you ever get over that kind of pain and emptiness. It's not just the missing him but it's the loneliness that comes with it. I'm sure followers are probably tired of my sad posts. If you don't feel happy it's hard to write a happy posts. I don't care about decorating which was my passion. I go through the motions and don't remember one day from the next. I can not remember or feel any happiness. All I feel is sadness and loneliness. I have been going to the Dr's for months and take more than my share of meds. Nothing has helped the pain. So if anyone has any suggestions or can tell me how much time I am listening.
Today I went back to work yet again. It's been almost 2 months this time. I am having a really hard time with working for the hospital Ray died in. The economy is so bad I almost was forced back to this job. If you read any of my other posts you would know this is not my dream job. I am on the phones for 8 hours a day taking inbound calls. Can I just say some people are so rude they can ruin your day. I sat and listened today to get my feet wet but will probably go back to my own phone tomorrow. I hope eventually I can find another job closer to home.
It's nice to know I can come here and vent. I have made some amazing friends on here and am thankful you are in my lives even if it's only through my blog and FB. I hope one day to blog something happy.
Donna

13 comments:

blessed country girl said...

Donna, I'm so sorry you are hurting. Please just know there are people who care about you, and who are praying for you.

Quilting with Ewe said...

Oh Donna, my heart breaks for you. I'm sure it not the same but when my mother was murdered 23 years ago it took me at least two years before I could speak her name without weeping uncontrollably. I don't know that there is any magic number, even today sometimes I will wake up and still feel the emptiness.. I'm making myself cry just typing this.. if you love someone with all your heart.. I don't think you ever truly heal.. you just cope and hope that you really will meet one day again. That wasn't what I started out to say.. but that is how I feel. Hugs girl.. you will make it through this, and vent as much as you need.

stella

Carmen C. said...

I'm sorry too Donna and no, I can't tell you how much time as everyone is different. I know when my BIL passed away suddenly it took me a good year to start to heal from it, I would say you are WELL within the normal range, and we are here for you anytime you need to vent, we all do it and it does help. ((BIG HUG))

Betsy said...

Donna, I'm so sorry for your loss and the pain you are in. I have never experienced a loss like yours so I can only imagine how hard it would be. My heart goes out to you. Have you tried grief counseling or do you have friends or family you can talk to? I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Betsy

Theresa said...

I am so sorry to hear of your sadness and pain. I am sure there is no set timeline for your pain to subside. If venting on your blog helps, then we are all here to "listen". Sorry that your job is less than ideal. I feel the drudgery of going to a job that is not my "dream job" so I understand where you are coming from on that front. I hope that you feel stronger every day and that you take comfort in happy memories. God Bless you and your family.

A Primitive Homestead said...

I wish I had the answer you are looking for. I wish you were not in so much pain. I will keep you in prayer for comfort & that God will open another job for you. I have never lost a soul mate as you have so I am sure I can not even begin to know your pain. I know from some hard times I have gone threw it has helped me greatly to just vent her on the blog & find there are people who have compassion for a hurting soul. Keep blogging & getting it out. others here in blog land will be there for you. Blessings & Prayers!

At Home With Amy said...

I wish I had a magic spell to cast to bring happiness back into your life Donna but I don't. All I can do is pray for you and ask God to comfort you aching heart. It is going to take time to find peace and only you will know when that time comes. One thing for sure is that you cannot stop living your life. I'm sure you know Ray would not want you to go on like that. Just keep trying and take it one step at a time. You will find a new normal. Just breath and don't ever give up!
Warm Hugs and Prayers,
AMY

Susannah said...

Release your thoughts and heart ache here. Let your friends help you. I am still grieving over many of my loved ones. I understand. God bless you, Donna.

Friends,
Susannah

Debbie said...

I don't think it ever really stops hurting but it will get better. My Mom has been gone for 14 years and there isn't a day I don't miss her. I also know how you must feel with your job. I worked for Blue Cross Blue Shield as a customer care associate for 8 years and absolutely hated it. I would wake up every morning sick to my stomach because I hated the thought of being on the phone having people yell and blame me for the insurance. The day they let me go a huge weight was lifted. There is another job out there for you. One that you will enjoy.... I will continue to keep you in my prayers and if you ever need a shoulder.... I am here...

*hugs*
Debbie K

Anne said...

Donna,
I think about you often. My heart hurts for you so. I know there is no time line for grieving, and I think we all do it differently. Im praying for you and your girls . Praying God gives you a little grace to help the hurt each day.

Grammee Linda - Behind My Red Door said...

I think everyone else said it well - there is no timeline for grieving. I think loosing a spouse or child changes our whole lives so differently than loosing others. We loose part of future and you are grieving for that as well. Just know you are in our thoughts and prayers!! HUGS!!

Karen said...

Donna, I just want you to know that I am so sorry for the pain you are feeling. I don't have an answer for you, but please know that I am praying for you! Hugs, Karen

adsgram said...

Donna..I think the folks who said they would be there for you will be, but they are in a state of not knowing how to approach you. Why not pick up the phone and call one of them? I know you are the one who was 'hurt', but make a move to show them that they CAN come and won't be bothering you. Even ask a favor if you need one...I bet they will be happy to hear from you and you may find some of them are sad and hurting, too! God Bless!