I sit here alone and still wonder why. How did this happen and why now? I look around and all I see is us. I see our lives in pictures on the walls to things we have bought together. I was a couple now I'm alone. This week has been a rough one for me. I was sick most of the week with migraines. Two meds and a shot later the head aches are gone but my broken heart is not. This was the first time I have been sick since Ray died. Can I tell you there is nothing lonelier than being sick and being alone. I just don't think I'm ever going to understand or accept this new life. Nothing really matters anymore. I just do what I'm supposed to do there are no feelings or emotions involved. I'm just slowly dieing on the inside. Everyone says I have to keep living and get passed this it's what Ray would want. How do they know that did he tell them that because I know we sure as heck never discussed it. It's so easy to tell someone to be strong and move on until it's you. Then it's not s easy. I can remember being a young teen and I couldn't wait to fall in-love and get married. If you asked me I would say I love being married I wouldn't want it any other way. I'm told lean on God and trust him. I did that and I now I sit here alone. Everyone has advice but no one really listens. I want to say close your eyes and imagine never seeing that special someone again, never hearing them say I love you, could you really stand to be that alone?