Monday, January 16, 2012

SILENCE

As I sit here at my desk I am surrounded by silence. I hear absolutely nothing. The girls are still asleep as well as the cats and dog. I know it's just a matter of time before Eleni wakes up and turns on her stereo and calls me fifty times for no reason. Soon Jessica will be waking up and she will turn on the TV to watch while she eats before she leaves for work. Abby will soon be chasing the cats because after all that's what dogs do, but for now I will enjoy the silence.

This year started off a little shaky. I woke up New Year's Day with a migraine that lasted for 3 days. I finally went to the Dr a few prescriptions and a steroid shot later it began to ease up. If anyone out there suffers from migraines you know how bad they can be. Most of the time I have to just sleep them through. Then I woke up with another yesterday. I took some meds and a nap and woke up feeling better. Every since we moved in this house I have suffered migraines. I am wondering if it's from the oil heater furnace. It heats our hot water so it runs all year. I have a carbon monoxide detector but I wonder if the fumes are just enough to give me a headache but not harm me. When we first moved here we were told it was central air and heat and oil hot water. Ok no big deal. Well, what was not told to me is when it gets a certain temperature the oil heat kicks in. Last year it was so cold I was buying oil constantly. This year I am loving the warmer temps. I keep the heat on really low and we just use a lot of blankets. I just don't have the money to spend on oil like I had last year.

I'm not sure if you remember me talking about how much I hated my job. Then things turned around when we got a new manager. He was a blessing in disguise. He really turned our department around and made it a place you wanted to come. When Ray got sick my manager would call and check on us. He was more than a manger he had become my friend. Long story short they announced to us that he would be leaving the department to manage a new department. I can honestly say the whole department was sad. I wish him the best but hate to see him go. They announced who our new senior manager  which is another really nice man. I know he will do a good job but it just won't be the same. We all know I'm not a fan of change.

I have gained a few new followers and received a few emails. I'm looking forward to getting to know them better. I have been trying to follow more blogs because I love reading about every one's daily experiences whether it be in decorating or just everyday life. I have said it more times than I'm sure you want to hear I miss my old life. Someone once asked me how I was doing and I said you know your whole daily routine is thrown off. I get up in the mornings and get ready for work alone. I do not get a kiss goodbye or hear I love you. These are the things that can throw your whole routine off. This is all before I get to work so you can imagine how sad my evenings have become. Most nights I eat alone if the girls are out or working. I watch my favorite show The Young and the Restless and then I get on the computer for a bit. Go to bed and read a little and then to sleep. I only go out to buy groceries or if I need something for the house. I probably have  been out less than 10 times for fun since Ray died. I am just content at home. I am always afraid I will see people I haven't seen in awhile when I do I really try to go the other way. I just can't handle being asked so how are you doing. The truth is I die a little inside everyday but you would never know. I put on a fake smile for my girls and pretend things are ok. Sometimes it's easier to hide behind a lie than to tell the truth.

I can't believe it everyone is still asleep and all I hear is silence. Wow! I hope you all have a wonderful and blessed day. Thanks again for your kind words and for stopping by.

Donna

6 comments:

Farm Field Primitives said...

Good to hear from you and I hope your migraines stay away. Sorry to hear your manager is leaving, but maybe the new one with bring with him some fun as well. I pray that this year will be a better one for you. That you will find reasons to smile. Take care.
~Melissa~

A Primitive Homestead said...

Nice to hear from you. I hate to say I avoid people when I see them out too. It is just less stress for me. I wish I lived close to my blog friends. We all share each others happenings & accept us as we are. I pray as each day passes the hole in your heart closes moren & those headaches leave. Blessings!
Lara

Karen/My Colonial Home said...

Hi Donna,
So nice to see you post again.
I know your life is sad right now...the first year or so always is such a difficult change.
Again...as I said before in a different post...I CAN HEAR THAT YOU HAVE ACCEPTED THIS AND MOVING ON, ALTHOUGH AT THE SAME TIME EXPERIENCING THESE CHANGES...you have your head on straight...I just know that God is standing beside you making you strong.

And yes, remember you have your friends here in blog land who are always there to read what hurts you or makes you happy. The more you express the more you will find peace.

Big hugs,
Karen

PrimHearted said...

Hi Donna, sorry to hear you have been suffering with migraines. You can pick up a carbon monoxide detector relatively cheap ( under 20 dollars) or even call your local FD and ask them if they can check it. Many blessings and continued strength.
Nadine

Walking on Sunshine... said...

Sometimes it is easier to hide behind the lie. I've been there, though not to anything like what you've been through. But when my hubby was in Afghanistan and it was hard communicating with him. Everyone just assumed he would get on his computer and chat with me and I could see him with his camera on the computer. WRONG. I would go weeks without hearing his voice. So I understand just a tiny little bit of your pain. Glad your new manager seems like a nice one and happy you're feeling better. Migraines are horrible! Glad you're reaching out and reading more blogs. I enjoy it also! Your post was nice! Hope you had a nice day and someone gave you a hug today!!

Tammy ~ Country Girl at Home ~ said...

Donna,

Your posts always make my heart hurt for you....truly! I do pray for you and wish I could do more. If I lived close by, I'd come get you for a little thrifting fun! :)

I do know migraines and it could be what you said. Whatever causes them, they are awful! I've had them last that long as well! Glad yours is better!

I'm not one much for change either! Sorry you lost your manager! And I do hope your new manager is a blessing!

Got your email and will email you!

Love, Tammy