Monday, January 2, 2012

2012

Happy New Year everyone. I hope everyone enjoyed the holidays this year. They came and went so fast. It's true the older you get the faster time goes. I did make it until midnight. I did not watch the ball drop. We have not cut Ray's phone off yet so at midnight I called his phone just to hear his voice. I just needed to start my new year off with him in it. The girls made me a recording of his voice mail message for Christmas. It's time we cut the phone off but I will still have his voice.

This year will come with a lot of changes. My youngest Eleni will be graduating in June. I know we will be moving around that time. Not sure what all the future holds or where we may end up but I know changes are coming. Everyone says June isn't far away and I need to start thinking what's my next move. To be honest it's just too far ahead for me. I'm still taking things one day at a time any more than that is too much.

2011 offered a lot of changes for me. My life seemed too cluttered with things. Once Ray died I started to give away things. I was a huge Boyd's Bear collector and now I have boxed them all away. Anyone looking for a special piece or interested they are free to a good home. I started giving away Longaberger baskets and pottery. I gave away pieces of furniture and pictures. If I didn't use it or want it I just gave it away. I held on to a few pieces of Ray's clothes because they reminded me of him or still smelled like him. I finally parted with those. It's the simple things I have come to cherish the most. I couldn't part with Ray's favorite base ball hat. It's worn and stained but when I see it it makes me smile. Over the years Ray has spoiled me at Christmas. He would buy me bears and baskets galore. Then later in years he started buying me jewelry. My favorite gift of all is the 2 little snowmen globe ornaments he gave me with our names on them. Something he probably bought at Michael's. They are so simple and personal I keep them out year round. I have a basket full of cards and ticket stubs from over the years. I didn't get rid of everything of Ray's. The girls took some things and I kept his sword and knife collection along with his jewelry and golf clubs. I still have our collection of golf balls from when we would go to different places. It's funny because I didn't invade Ray's personal space so to speak. When he died I had to go through his things. In his golf bag I found some old coins Ray had found while playing golf. The girls had given him a #1 Dad golf ball and I was told later by his friends he only used it for putting. He cherished that ball. Once again it's the simple things that mean the most. When it's my time to go I want Jessica and Eleni to want things that make them think of Ray and I, not a bunch of stuff that will end up in a good will or yard sale. Sometimes things are just that things.

2011 my depression seemed to get better. I did away with so many meds. I felt like a zombie some days. I have learned to control my tears in public. Where as before they flowed if you just looked at me. I still see my Dr regularly and he says I've come a long way but I still have a little further to go. I just don't know I will ever be who I once was a part of me died when Ray died. I get up and try to make the best of everyday. Trust me some days it's a real chore but I have to. I hope 2012 will continue to bring me more days I can cope with and less tears.

If you have read this thanks so much. Thanks for stopping by and for always leaving me encouraging messages. It's the theraphy that has helped the most!

Donna

18 comments:

Karen/My Colonial Home said...

Hi Donna,
Well earlier today I finally got on the computer and commented on your Dec. 30th blog...and now this one.
I do think dear lady you have made huge strides and overcoming what was dealt to you and your daughters...you definitely are on the right track with your thinking - I'm so proud of you.
One of the biggest obstacles is to face up to your challenge and I do believe you have.
God bless you and please enjoy the rest of 2012...you are on the right road.
Karen

Carmen C. said...

Donna, I am so proud of you friend, you have come a LONG way this past year! Isn't it an amazing thing how you can *keep* someone's voice message these days? I'm sure it is very comforting for you and I hope your 2012 is better yet. Not sure what mine will bring, rumors are floating around that my son's unit may be due for a deployment later this year, I am praying real hard that it won't come to pass! Happy New Year to you and your beautiful girls (((((HUGS)))))

Susannah said...

Wow! It is so good to read your post! You sound so much better! Like you said - It may take a while longer - but you should be very proud of all the difficult accomplishments you have made. Time does help. God bless you and I look forward to many more wonderful posts.

Susannah

Anonymous said...

Hi Donna,
I have just found your blog and am so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you and your girls.
You sound as if you have a wonderfully positive attitude with all that has been going on in your life. And i look forward to getting to know you better.
I wish you a Blessed 2012.
luv Ann xxx

Carmen and the Primcats said...

Donna... I hope and Pray that 2012 brings you the peace you deserve. You ahve been through so much.

Carmen and the Primcats

Prims By The Water said...

Hello Donna, When my dad passed, we had the unfortunate task of having his burial on a Christmas Eve back in 1993. They say time heals, and I can say yes it does, however you will never forget the memories you have...we also kept his voice message. Sound to me that you are on the right road. I hope you have a blessed 2012. Take care, Janice

Dayle said...

Donna, may the New Year be filled with good health and good friends, and less tears. I'm sorry for the loss of your husband. I can't imagine that kind of loss. It sounds as if you've come a along way in the grief journey. I do know it takes time and everyone grieves differently.

Thanks for stopping by my blog. Lovely to meet you.

Joy/The Olde Farmhouse said...

Donna: Thank you for becoming a follower and I have become one of yours. I went back and read almost all of your posts, for over a year and I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. It is a tough blow to survive but this post sounds like you are healing. It takes a while; my husband passed over 10 years ago and I still get a lump in my throat at times. And please know that it is OK to cry, anywhere, anytime. You'll be surprised at what will make you sad but as time goes on you will again find happiness for yourself and your girls. And know that your blog friends are there for you. I Wish I had had them 10 years ago. Visit me often, and "we'll talk."
{{HUGS}} Joy

Jamie said...

Thanks for joining our blog,I am so happy to be visiting your beautiful blog.I am very sorry for your loss and will keep you in my prayers.It sounds like you are taking small steps that are just pieces of the puzzle to you.Keep your head up,small steps.

I wish we were closer Bc we as a family are avid boyd bear collectors,we search high and low for those goodies even my son (11) has the dogs in his room on shleves.
If I could make a drive to help you I would but just cant make that happen,good luck and best wishes.

A Primitive Homestead said...

I miss a lot of posts since using an iPod. New to the gadget. I seen you commented on another blog & was eager to see if you had any recent posts. I am so happy for you that you are healing some. You are a beautiful soul reminding us to not let I love you unsaid & reminders of photos to treasure memories. Thinking of you & Wishing you the best for 2012. Blessings!
Lara

PrimHearted said...

Hi Donna, Firstly I am very sorry for your loss. I hope you continue to heal. It sounds like you are making great strides. I wish you the best and I hope we can become friends.
Hugs,
Nadine

ohiofarmgirl said...

Oh my, You must be a very strong person. I know the Lord doesn't give us more than we can handle so I know you must have so much more to do. I feel your grief and your pain...be strong,dear friend!

Karen said...

Yes, Donna, you do sound like you are getting stronger. I pray that this new year will be a good one for you, and that you will find the strength and the peace you need. Keeping you in my prayers, Karen

Walking on Sunshine... said...

This was a beautiful post. So happy to hear the steps you are taking towards continuing your life with the beautiful memories of your dear hubby! Love how you are able to find the things that matter the most to you and keep those. I have the hat my father wore to church in our coat closet and I love seeing it every time I get my coat. You're so right, it's the little things that matter and make us happy. I pray the Lord will continue to strengthen you a little each day. Keep going! Your life is so worth every step you take!!!

Hillcresthome Prims said...

Hi Donna, You have been so strong, the Lord has been by you side as well as your daughters.
You are an amazing woman,you have been through so much and I really admire you.
2012 will be a better year but Ray is right by your side and has NEVER left, I believe in that.

I sent you an email because it was private, so please go check your emails.
Love and BIG hugs,
Tricia XO

Kady said...

I'm so glad to have visited your blog. Thank you for following mine (stoney hill cabin). I read many of your past posts and my heart aches for you. Ray was so young. I can tell you've made a lot of progress in your grief journey. Many people will say time is the great healer, and I believe that's true, but your life has changed and it will never be the same. What a blessing, though to have had such a wonderful man in your life. Cherish the memories, listen to his voice when you need to, and keep moving forward as you're trying to do. I'm very glad you're receiving help. We all need a little help now and then. It's a wise person who seeks help when she needs it. I wish you all the best and God's peace and comfort.

Tara said...

HI Donna,I'm new to your blog and I hope this year will bring you peace and renewal..Look forward to visiting often..xx

Tammy ~ Country Girl at Home ~ said...

Donna,

I pray that you find happiness and peace in 2012! Finding a new normal has to be hard, but through the Lord, YOU CAN DO IT! That's the only way I know folks can handle anything!

I think of you often and pray when I do!

Take care of yourself!

Tammy