2012

Happy New Year everyone. I hope everyone enjoyed the holidays this year. They came and went so fast. It's true the older you get the faster time goes. I did make it until midnight. I did not watch the ball drop. We have not cut Ray's phone off yet so at midnight I called his phone just to hear his voice. I just needed to start my new year off with him in it. The girls made me a recording of his voice mail message for Christmas. It's time we cut the phone off but I will still have his voice.

This year will come with a lot of changes. My youngest Eleni will be graduating in June. I know we will be moving around that time. Not sure what all the future holds or where we may end up but I know changes are coming. Everyone says June isn't far away and I need to start thinking what's my next move. To be honest it's just too far ahead for me. I'm still taking things one day at a time any more than that is too much.

2011 offered a lot of changes for me. My life seemed too cluttered with things. Once Ray died I started to give away things. I was a huge Boyd's Bear collector and now I have boxed them all away. Anyone looking for a special piece or interested they are free to a good home. I started giving away Longaberger baskets and pottery. I gave away pieces of furniture and pictures. If I didn't use it or want it I just gave it away. I held on to a few pieces of Ray's clothes because they reminded me of him or still smelled like him. I finally parted with those. It's the simple things I have come to cherish the most. I couldn't part with Ray's favorite base ball hat. It's worn and stained but when I see it it makes me smile. Over the years Ray has spoiled me at Christmas. He would buy me bears and baskets galore. Then later in years he started buying me jewelry. My favorite gift of all is the 2 little snowmen globe ornaments he gave me with our names on them. Something he probably bought at Michael's. They are so simple and personal I keep them out year round. I have a basket full of cards and ticket stubs from over the years. I didn't get rid of everything of Ray's. The girls took some things and I kept his sword and knife collection along with his jewelry and golf clubs. I still have our collection of golf balls from when we would go to different places. It's funny because I didn't invade Ray's personal space so to speak. When he died I had to go through his things. In his golf bag I found some old coins Ray had found while playing golf. The girls had given him a #1 Dad golf ball and I was told later by his friends he only used it for putting. He cherished that ball. Once again it's the simple things that mean the most. When it's my time to go I want Jessica and Eleni to want things that make them think of Ray and I, not a bunch of stuff that will end up in a good will or yard sale. Sometimes things are just that things.

2011 my depression seemed to get better. I did away with so many meds. I felt like a zombie some days. I have learned to control my tears in public. Where as before they flowed if you just looked at me. I still see my Dr regularly and he says I've come a long way but I still have a little further to go. I just don't know I will ever be who I once was a part of me died when Ray died. I get up and try to make the best of everyday. Trust me some days it's a real chore but I have to. I hope 2012 will continue to bring me more days I can cope with and less tears.

If you have read this thanks so much. Thanks for stopping by and for always leaving me encouraging messages. It's the theraphy that has helped the most!

Donna