Take a Picture

I haven't posted in awhile. Christmas has come and gone and I must admit I am glad. I tried to be happy and excited for the girls but inside my heart was bleeding. Everyone said give it time it takes time. Well, let me tell you in time you cry less but you miss them all the same. I miss Ray so much it actually hurts some days. He was not just my husband but my best friend. The thing that is the hardest is being so lonely. I miss our talks we had daily while taking me to work and back. I miss Ray and nothing will change that not even time. It's hard when it really hits you he's not coming back all I have now are years of memories and scrapbooks. Which brings me to the point of my posts. One thing we never did and I wanted to do in August when we were all nice and tan was a family portrait. Well, Ray died before we could take the picture. Next time your taking a picture of your house and decoration sneak a picture or two of your hubby and kids. You can never have too many and make sure you get someone to snap a few of you as well. We have very few of Ray and I together because I was always behind the camera but I am thankful for the few I have and cherish each and everyone. They help tell the story of our love!

Donna

Happy Anniversary

This is the day that would have been our anniversary. This is Ray and I 23 years ago. He gave me my engagement ring on this Christmas 1987. We were married less than a year later. He was the love of my life and that will never end. I still miss him as much as I did the day he died.

My life has been really crazy lately. First they insisted I come back to work sooner than anticipated. I thought I could handle it but seems I couldn't. The Dr took me out of work yet again. If most of you could see me most days I am a wreck still. I have a few good moments every now and again. I don't blog a lot but I try to read every one's posts. Some of you have been so good to me over the past 2 years and I wanted to say thanks again. I hope to post some Christmas pictures soon.

Donna

THE WINNER IS?

Thanks to all whom entered. I let Eleni draw the winner. The winner is Kath from The Olde Weeping Cedar. Congrats Kath if you could send me your address I will get these things shipped out to you. :)

I had therapy today and for some reason it always wears me out. I find myself missing Ray more and more as the Holidays approach. Thanksgiving used to be my favorite Holiday. I may put my tree up this weekend. I don't know for sure if I am ready.

I am headed back to work part time Thursday. Wish me luck and say a little prayer for me as I ride by that hospital!

Donna

LAST DATY TO ENTER

Just a reminder today is the last day to enter my give away. I will announce a winner tomorrow.

The past week has been hard for us. Thursday was Ray's birthday and yesterday was the 3 month anniversary of his death. Life is so hard sometimes. Many have asked about my girls. Jessica is like Ray and keeps it ion and keeps moving. Eleni like I is having a hard time. She is missing her Daddy a lot. Please don't take one second for granted. You never know what tomorrow holds.

Donna

GIVE AWAY

Please don't forget my give away followers will be entered twice. I tried to include a little something for everyone. Enter until the 15th and I will draw a winner the 16th.

There is a berry twig, Thankful Tart, Heart Rowe Pottery Plate and stand, Star ornament, elf ornament, Snowman plate and stand, and a black tin candle holder. Hoping there is something in there for everyone!

Donna

Happy Birthday Ray

Along with it being Veterans Day it would have also been Ray's 42 birthday. I still can't believe he is gone. I miss him so much. I have had a very hard time accepting his death. I have been seeing a grief counselor weekly and my Dr has been treating me for post traumatic stress. Let me tell you we all love and lose but I never knew how lonely I would feel. I was going to give up my blog and even thought I would change the name but ~Never So Simple~ seems to sum it up for me. Thanks to all of you who have stuck by me through all of my ups and mostly downs. Thanks for the kind words and hugs.

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On that note what's a 100 post without a give away. It's not a lot but I wanted to get a few things together to say thanks for being my friends. I will announce a winner November 16th so you have until the 15th to enter. Make sure you tell me if you have followed me so I can enter you twice.

DONNA

THE END

I keep trying to find my way but I keep getting lost. I am really having a difficult time with the loss of my husband Ray. I miss him so much some days it actually hurts to breathe. I even pray that God will just come get me so I can see him again. Things are so different and everyone says give it time. Time what does that mean time to get used to Ray being gone? Time to forget? My heart is broken into a million tiny pieces and I can't put it back together. I actually feel like I am dieing that my body is starting to shut down. Nothing will ever be the same.

We moved into our home six weeks before he got sick. We were so happy and this house was full of love, joy, and laughter. Now you can hear a pin drop. I try to be strong for my girls. I have learned to cry alone, in a pillow, and in the shower. I can't figure out what I am supposed to do next. My life has always been about Ray and the girls. My girls are getting older Ray and I were looking forward to being grandparents one day and maybe moving to South Carolina. We had dreams now my dreams and my best friend are gone. I just don't understand how and why this happened why now?

I tried to go back to work twice. It was hard riding by the hospital and working for the hospital. The first time they sent me home because I was an emotional wreck. I tried to go back again and cried for 2 days and now I am out under Dr's care and seeing a counselor. I have no clue what's next for me and my girls. I can only tell you I would not wish this pain on anyone.

This will probably be my last post on this blog. Thanks to all of you who have always been there and stuck by me. Please know I have loved getting to know each and everyone of you and thanks for inviting me into your home.

Donna

Never~So~Simple

I know it's been a really long time since I posted. We did finally move into our own home mid June. It started off great but then I started having headaches and losing sleep. I had to go to the Dr and get something for the migraines. Finally I started to feel better but something was just not right. The heat was bad this summer but hey it was better than snow in my opinion. We started to settle in our home and we were ALL very happy.

On August 2 we had to rush Ray to the hospital. We were there no time and we all ran to the Cardiac Cath Lab. He was having a massive heart attack. It was touch and go for almost 2 weeks. On August 12th Ray went for surgery to to have a heart pump put in. It was to assist him until he could recover enough to go on the Heart Transplant list. Ray did fine at first then he took a turn for the worse. August 14th at 10:23pm Ray passed away. It seems like a really bad dream. I was there by his side until the end. I told him over and over how proud I was of him for fighting as long as he could. I assured him the girls and I would be ok and thanked him for being a wonderful husband and father. My life will be forever changed.

I don't know what I want to do next. This house although we only had 6 weeks in it as a family is a reminder of Ray. We don't really like being here and we loved it at first. Eleni stays busy and Jessica stays to herself. I have not been able to return to work. I tried last week and my emotions got the best of me and they sent me home. It was obvious I needed more time. School starts here Tuesday and I am going to try to return to work. I hope we can get back into some kind of routine. I don't know how much I will be blogging but please know I do try to read when I can. I love getting lost in your stories and decorating it's therapy for my mind.

Donna

PROM

Last night was Eleni's big night her first prom. I had to get off early Friday to take her for her nail appointment. She had a manicure and pedicure. Then Saturday up early to the beauty shop. My niece Nikki is a beautician and she had the lovely honor of curling Eleni's hair which took and hour and a half and a can of hairspray. Not really but it seemed liked it. It turned out gorgeous!

Then it was time for make-up!

Eleni is such a ham!

No she's not mad she's just being Eleni!

Now off to get dressed and add the final touches.

I insisted we each take a picture with her but we must color coordinate. None of us owned anything in dress color which by the way is called Mermaid. So I made everyone wear light blue. Jessica was dressed and changed for the picture just to satisfy me.

My girls are all grown up. I am so proud of them!

Eleni insisted on a picture with her baby Abby.

Eleni and her best friend Lindsay.

Here they all are ready to go. I am happy to say they all made it home safe.

My next post will hopefully be about moving into our new home. The move in date is set for June 1st if the bathroom is completed. They landlords are having the bathroom redone. It's taking longer than they originally thought. I will keep you posted. Once again thanks for sticking with me!

Donna

It Won't Be Long Now...

I'm trying to keep everyone updated as the big day gets closer. We have a little over two weeks before we move and boy are we getting excited! Ray has been going over and painting the rooms a little each day. He can only do so much before he gets too tired. We have bought area rugs and the girls have bought new bedding and curtains for their rooms. We just need new bedding for our room but I am so picky!

This past weekend we went to my sister in-laws house for Mother's Day. She lives beside a cow pasture. Abby was so fascinated with the cows as well as they with her. If we got too close they would back off but they would walk right up to the fence to see Abby. You can see this on my new header picture. It was a beautiful day here in VA on Mother's Day.

Eleni was invited to the prom a school. She was invited by a Junior who is a good friend. She was so excited when he asked her how could I say no. Next Saturday is the big night. We have everything her dress has been altered. Friday I'm getting off early to get her nails and toes done and the Saturday morning she will get her hair done. I can't wait to show you all pictures!

This morning when I woke up my Mom informed me I had a package. I was so excited it was from Carmen of Waxed Out Creative Life. I won her give away and let me tell you the package smelled so good Abby and Lucy (my Mom's dog) were all over me as I opened it. I can't wait to set everything up in my new house! If you ever get a chance to purchase anything from Carmen her candles and soap smell so good pictures don't do justice for her work!

Seems like a lot of people are getting the blogging blahs. It makes me sad to see blogs end but I understand. One thing about my new house is it's smaller and a rancher. I will miss my pool but I am looking forward to a simpler life. Less cleaning and stressing and more time enjoying life. Which is he one thing I am really looking forward to come June! Until next time thanks for always dropping by and for sticking by me

Donna

1 YEAR

Thanks so much to all of you who have stood by me this past year. I have been blessed with so many great blog friends! As many of you know I was laid off in November of 08 from a job I loved. This was the beginning of many problems. When I lost my job I also lost my medical insurance which meant I had no idea how I was going to pay for all of Ray's rejection medicines. Then there was rent, utilities, truck payment and groceries. Unemployment only goes so far and Ray was just not able to keep a job one because of his health and two because of the economy. I just felt like my life was spinning out of control.

My life has really changed since that November. The first thing we did as a family is go to Church. Tammy from Country Girl at Home inspired me to make that decision. Thank you Tammy! It was the beginning of many blessing. We were able to get Ray's medicines through programs based on our income or lack of I should say! As the months went by and the lack of a steady income we decided not to renew our lease. It was very hard to leave a home we had lived in for 7 years. We had so many great neighbors and I still miss them! It was a hard decision but we knew it was the best one at the time. So one year ago we gave up our home put our things in storage and moved with my Mom. Another blessing a roof over our heads. Not long after we moved Ray started having issues with his legs hurting an ultra sound proved he has blockages in his legs. It was advised he get back on disability. I finally got a job last June as many of you remember I hated it! Things are much better still not the job of my dreams but it's a lot better. So within a few months we had insurance but getting Ray's Social Security didn't not come as easily. Seemed like once we got over one hurdle another was waiting.

I became so depressed and cried all the time. I just didn't think we would ever see the light at the end of the tunnel. I quit doing things with friends and just stuck to myself. As time went on things got better and easier. I could see a dim light trying to peek through.

In March we paid off our truck. Also in March Ray received his first disability check. They are reviewing his case to determine if he will be reinstated permanently. We will take what we can get and call it another blessing. We got back a decent tax refund this year which we put up to move. Yet another blessing. I am happy to report another HUGE BLESSING we will be moving JUNE 1! Yes, you read it right we are finally moving. We found a rancher like I wanted and Eleni will get to stay at the same High School.

I can not wait to post pictures and decorate. I am so exited and feeling very blessed. I am hoping this is many of new Happier post. Once again THANKS for sticking by me this past year!

Donna

Feeling Blessed

I know I haven't been very good about posting like I had intended. I don't have a lot to share so I try not to bore you all too much. We are still house hunting. I had no idea just how hard this was going to be. I know God will lead us to the right house at the right time. I just hope it's soon. I know my Mom will be glad to have her house back. I know it's not been easy for her. She is used to quiet nights and now there is an extra dog barking, Eleni's music and my girls constantly bickering from too much time together and not enough space of their own. On that note were are blessed to have a roof over our heads, food in our bellies and of course my job which gives us the insurance we need for Ray's medicines. It's not the best life but it's a blessed life.

I'm not sure if I have ever really said what I do at work. I work in a call center for a Medicaid HMO. We also provide services for a Coordinated Care program offered by one of the Hospitals. I hear so many sad stories everyday. I wonder if the economy is really getting better. I find it hard some days not to get emotionally attached to some of our members. I wish I could help all of those who really need it. When you have lived their lives it's hard not to put your heart into it. Some days you have members who hate the world then there are those who are so appreciative it makes your job worth all the bad calls. It has really made me think about how I speak to the person on the other end of the phone. Like me it's their job not their fault. As many of you know I absolutely hated my job in the beginning. I finally quit hating it and started appreciating the fact I had a job not to mention we have a new manager. I didn't dislike the other manager but I really like the new manager. It's nice to go to a job you don't hate. :)

I am trying to be more positive and happy with what I have not what I want. After all at the end of the day all I want is to enjoy being with my family and friends and making new memories. I have stated so many time how much I miss all of my stuff but the one thing I really miss the most is seeing my pictures everyday. I think it will be one of the first things I unpack.

I hope you all have a great and blessed weekend.

Donna

WINTER

I'm seating here eating my first home made pot pie while watching it snow. I don't think I have ever seen it snow this much in Virginia. It's pretty but I am so tired of winter. I think everyone in blog land is getting cabin fever.

They have taken the block off of the blogs at work. I try not to stay on there long just in case big brother is watching. Needless to say to my surprise I had won Leslie's give away over at Crafty Mom. I am so excited and thankful. Do you know how hard it is not to scream out with joy at work. :) When I do move I am going to have so many new things to display. Speaking of moving we are seriously house hunting. Our goal is to keep Eleni in the same school especially since we just ordered her school ring. I just hope we find something soon.

Thanks to all of you who have stuck with me through all of this. I haven't had a lot to post about but it's nice to see the same folks commenting and supporting me. You all are the best. Until next time.

Donna

She's 21!

I can hardly believe this past Friday Jessica turned 21. Seems like just yesterday she was watching Barney and listening to her cassette tapes. The years have flown by. She is a very smart young lady with a bright future ahead of her. Her Dad and I couldn't be more proud. She went out with friends to celebrate before yet another Storm hit us. Here is a picture she took of her first drink. Looks pretty. :)

She still had to have her birthday cake from Ukrop's. Anyone from Virginia can tell you Ukrop's has the best birthday cakes. They were a family owned business they recently sold to a bigger market. This may be the last Ukrop's cake. :(

Jessica is a huge Jonas brother fan. She and friends went to DC to see Nick Jonas in his solo concert. They went early and ran into him outside the Warner Theatre. She was able to get a picture with him and his autograph.

SNOW! SNOW! SNOW! Is it okay to say I am so ready for Spring? We were hit with the first storm in December right before Christmas. I will admit it was pretty. Then we were hit with another big storm last weekend. I believe in our area it was about 13 inches. The children were out of school for 3 days and went in 2 hours late on Thursday. Here are a few pictures Jessica took of the storm last weekend.

My Mom's front porch. The snow is so pretty at night.

Jessica's car was buried.

The children were scheduled to go back to school Friday. Then it happened we were hit yet with another storm. I think we got about 6 more inches. They are calling for another to come through Tuesday and Wednesday. I think we are all getting cabin fever. Eleni is out of school again tomorrow and I get to go in 2 hrs late. I like the extra sleep. :) Here are a few more pictures Jessica took of this past storm.

I love this picture. The birds have really enjoyed this feeder the past few weeks.

I am so upset on my breaks and lunch I would try to read every one's blogs. A lot of computers were getting viruses and they blocked all personal pages. I was so upset. I used to love my down time and reading. Now I am going to have to make time at nights to visit everyone. Have I mentioned yet just how much I miss my own computer! Jessica will occasionally let me borrow her computer but it's not the same. I hope you all have a great week.

Donna

Scrapbook, Pets, and Kidneys

I said I was going to get better about posting more. Time just goes by so fast. Last weekend I went with the girls back to the river to scrapbook. I didn't get as much done as I would have liked but it was still a great get away. I did manage to start 2008 now to finish. :)

One of my friends Gwen always bring her two little pups Annie and Gretel to the river. They are cute little schnauzers. While we were there Annie seemed as if she was starting to feel bad. We were sitting around and next thing I knew Annie just fell of the sofa. She appeared to be stretching but just tumbled over. Seems poor Annie had a stroke right in front of us. She was partially paralyzed on her right side. She wasn't 100% but seemed as if she was getting some feeling back and strength. I sent a text to Gwen Sunday and she said Annie was doing a little better. I was so shocked when I sent her a text Tuesday to see what the vet had to say only to be told Annie was now in doggie heaven. Seems she had a tumor the size of a grape fruit and her heart rate dropped from 60 to 20 in a matter of minutes. Gwen's sister Teresa went and met her as Gwen made that hard decision. She didn't want to see Annie suffer. I know Gwen is hurting because she loved Annie like it was her child. My heart goes out to her and Gretel.

When I got back home Sunday I was met by my own little pup Abby. Daddy took her to get a much needed hair cut. She looks so good. I know she has to feel better. I just had to post pictures. :)

This past Monday was a special day for us. Ray has been blessed with his kidney for nine years. He actually had a dr appointment that day and was told his kidney function is great. If only his heart would get on the same page. Ray still has the pains in his legs if he walks or stands a lot. I can tell he also tires faster now. Over all he are very thankful he is doing as well as he is considering.

I hope you all have a great weekend. Stay dry and warm!

Donna

Freezing...

It sure has been cold. Rumor is we may thaw out a bit this weekend. They say 50's in VA come Thursday. I am so excited I am so ready for Spring. Seems like since the holidays are gone the cold weather should be as well. We already had a nice snow this year so I am done. I don't mind the cold when I can stay in and curl up with a blanket and watch Lifetime movies all day.

Funny how much you can change in a year. When I was laid off last year I didn't enjoy it at all it was so stressful knowing what was to come. This year I am working and feeling less stressed as I am looking forward of what's to come. We have been house hunting but no luck yet. Boy rent has really went up a lot. Our goal is to stay in the same school district for Eleni. I am praying we just can find something we can afford.

I'm off to the river again this weekend with the ladies for another scrapping weekend. I hope to get a lot done. Last go around I finished 2007 now to start 2008. I am looking forward to just losing myself in my pictures and memories. Maybe we will even watch a few movies. Anything goes no schedules and we eat when and if we want. It's so relaxing and quiet. I wish I could take you all with me. I will be sure to check back in and let you know how my weekend went.

Donna

Happy New Year

Hello and Happy New Year to you all. I haven't posted in what seems like forever. I wish I could say I had a good excuse but all I can say is life has kept me busy. I have missed blogging so I am going to try to do better this year. I have enjoyed catching up with every one's blogs and all the beautiful pictures. I really missed my tree and decor this year but we had a nice Christmas all the same. We cut back a lot this year for two reason's one money and two no where to put anything. We were very blessed my good friend Teresa and her hubby Tom let us use there house at the river to have a family Christmas. It was cold but great. We ate good and watched a lot of movies. The girls enjoyed having there own space for a few days.

It was a very relaxing and enjoyable weekend even Abby enjoyed Christmas at the river.

On our last morning there Abby woke Jessica up to go potty. She took some of the most beautiful pictures of the sun coming up. The view is gorgeous.

I just wanted to update you on a few things. Ray spoke to SS we should be hearing something from them real soon. I am still at my job. We are under new management not that I didn't like my old manager but I really like the new one. I am trying to learn as much as I can so hopefully I can transfer within and make more money. Ray and I have been looking for a house wish us luck. I am very excited about 2010 and what it may have to offer. Ray and I stayed in last night and the girls went out. I love the New Year's and being surrounded by friends but it was nice ringing it in on the quiet side. This year I want to stress less enjoy life more and MOVE!

Donna