Blog Friends are the BEST

I received an email from a dear sweet blogger Rachel. Her blog is called http://somewhere in the middle/ she loves her family and her home and gardens are beautiful. Her email asked could she send me some things to help me decorate my living room. I was so shocked and happy when I received her package. It was loaded with one goodie after another. I have been blessed to receive so many things from bloggers. The best gift of all is each and every friend I have met from blogging. Rachel thanks so much and I will post pictures soon. I loved each and every gift. Make sure you pop over and check out her blog and her mom and sisters blog also.

Have you ever seen a house and you just wish you could go and look through the windows. I live around house that were mostly built in the late 60's or early 70's. Every now and then they will clear out a wooded lot and up goes a beautiful brand new home. Well, in the middle someone has built a most gorgeous house. It's a red salt box house with blue shutters and white trim. I can tell by the curtains it has to be prim. I'm dieing to just knock on the door and say can I adore your house from the inside awhile. The funny thing is when I show my friends this house I love and my daughter I get the same face and comments " It looks like a barn!" This is when I miss Ray the most because even if he thought that he would have said something I wanted to hear. He got me and that's what made our love so special. We really knew one another like best friends. I have a lot of friends well, I did I have pushed so many people away this past year. I just need time to heal my way. I don't have any friends like you in blog land. I was telling a friend about painting a shelf and she was so not interested. I have no one who appreciates my love for old things. Everyone is so busy trying to have the new and the best and they don't take the time to appreciate what's around them.

As I approach the anniversary of Ray's death I have been feeling really down and depressed. I feel like I'm living this awful dream all over again. My heart breaks and aches for the life I used to have. I hope to get through the next week without too many tears. Thanks again for everyone out there who leaves me such great messages. They have helped me get through some of my worse days!

Donna

Time...

I can remember this time last year. I had a migraine the night before and slept until after one. At which time I was awakened by Jessica screaming and Eleni laughing. There was a field mouse in the house and Jessica was scared to death. Eleni thought this was so funny. A few minutes after waking up and getting my thoughts together Ray came in. He saved the day scooped the mouse in the trash can and took him out back. It was hot just like it is this year. I can remember the AC being set and 73 and the house staying about 90. Even with the heat we were so happy to be in our own place. Ray's nephew and his friend were in town and let's just say boy's can eat. I remember cooking and there being nothing left. LOL! I just can't believe how much my life has changed in a year...today I sit here alone with my thoughts and memories. I still can't help but wonder why? Why Ray why then? I am feeling very alone and bored today. Jessica is in NJ to see Taylor Swift. Eleni is on her way home from SC. My girls are doing better than me. I still just don't feel like getting out and doing much of anything. I'm really missing my Ray today. Wishing he was here with me today.

Thanks for all the nice compliments on my last post. I hope to post more pictures and soon of other rooms in my house. It's the one thing that keeps me going. If it weren't for tweaking I wouldn't have anything to do other than clean. Thanks for stopping by once again!

Donna

Kitchen Pictures

Here it is my kitchen is finally done. Well, for now anyway. When we moved in the walls had flowered wall paper. I am just not a fan of wall paper so off it came. Underneath was another layer that would not just peel off. We tried everything nothing would work. So the plan was for Ray to skim the walls with mud and then paint. Ray died before he could get to it. I was blessed his friend Mike came and finished it for me. Then the land lady insisted on painting. Hey I was not about to say no. So here is the finished kitchen.

These are one of the scales Ray found in an old Ware house. I love it. That's a fake cider jug. It's made of card board or paper.

Ray picked this out for me. This was the last craft show we went to together.






Here are my other scales he found. The lamp was my aunts and she let me have it. The little whiskey jug was a souvenir my parents bougth from the Smokey Mountains.

One of my many lamps. Ray loved Tiffany style lamps and I loved little lamps.

A few of my many baskets.

Love my table decorated. We don't eat at it so might as well decorate it.

This is a table bench my dear friend Tammy and her hubby Jason made for me. I so love it. I believe Tammy also made me the stitched picture. The sheep in the bowl are from my dear friend Carmen. I won her give away last year.

As you can tell I love baskets. I try to use all the big one's I have and the small one's use to decorate with.

This is a butter churn Ray's mom gave me.

This is an old coke crate that was given actually to Jessica. The lantern came from my Nanny's house.

I used to have 3 hutches but got rid of my two big one's. I am trying to down size some and only keep the things I love. Love my Grandma's old bowl. I love whiskey jugs and old canning jars. I am also a huge candle lover. You will see them all around my house.

This cast iron stove was my Nanny's also. When she died I was the only one who wanted it or would appreciate it.

Yes, I love my baskets but I must say this is my favorite. This was made by another dear friend Pam. If you have thought about buying one of her baskets they are so worth it! They are made wonderfully and are absolutely gorgeous in person.

Finally my window. I love the big window sill. I found the metal flag/candle holder at the Good Will. You will also see tucked in here and there are a few of my favorite Boyd's bears. I have a huge collection and have decided to down size. If anyone is looking for a certain bear or moose let me know I may have it. Thanks for letting me show you my kitchen. Most of it is old and I have had for years but I love it that way. Along with all the things I have been blessed to win or just been given have made my kitchen what it is today. Thanks for dropping in.

Donna

ALL BY MYSELF

This weekend my girls went to visit their Aunt and Uncle in SC. yesterday.. So I have had the whole weekend to myself. I was looking forward to the time alone but it was also lonely. I woke up early and washed clothes. Abby my four legged friend kept me company. I tried to sit in the sun awhile and she insisted on coming out. Then 10 minutes later she was so hot she had to go in. Needless to say I wasn't out very long because I was tired of getting up and down. I came in and painred some shelves and hung them up. I will post pictures soon. No girls means no camera. Then I sat and ate dinner and watched a little TV. It surprises me how much people pay for cable and there is never anything on. I finally got tired of channel surfing and went to bed. Once again Abby had to be right by my side. Can I just say a 20lb dog is small until you put them in your bed. hen today I tried to sit in the sun but it was I who kept getting hot so in I came. I was bored so I mopped, cleaned, vacuumed, and colored my hair. That was all before 1pm. So then I ironed all my clothes for work for the week. Then I watched a little TV and rook a little nap. So all in all I may have been bored but I did get a lot done.

I called my daddy today just to say hello. He complained about the heat. I said it's hot but it's so much better than snow. I could live like this all year. The vegetables and fruit are cheaper and taste so much better. I had my first tomatoe sandwhich yesterday. Can I just say yummy. I bought some fresh fruit and the girls ate it all before they left. I just love Summer time, but I am becoming a fan of Fall decor. I have been collecting a lot over the past few years, and I look forward to putting it out.

When looking around my house I see so little compared to what I once had. When country was mauve and blue I had enough decor for my whole house. Then the colors changed to navy and red. I so loved these colors so much more but I realize I need some new items. All of my new decor came from gifts or giveaways. I have been blessed with Spring decor, Fall decor, and even Christmas goodies all from my wonderful blog friends. I have made so many great friends. I hope to have a give away soon when money allows. I want more new but being a single mom other things come first. I will show you what I have as soon as I can get Jessica to take pictures for me. I hope everyone gets a glimps of the wonderful items I have been blessed to receive.

Yesterday my baby girl Eleni turned 18. Seems just like yesterday. I can still see Ray sitting there holding her before he went to dialysis. He never got to play with her the way he did with Jessica but he made sure they did other things together. We celbrated Eleni's birthday last weekend so she could be in SC for her birthday. This time last year we had our first cook out to celebrate her birthday. I think she wanted to make some new memories which was fine. I just want to see my girls be happy. I guess that is all for now. Thanks again for sticking with me.

Donna

Another Year Older

Well yesterday was my birthday. It was sad and somewhat lonely. Two years ago I got my job. Last year I got my house. This year was a reminder of how happy I was last year. I can remember posting all I wanted was a simple life and to be happy. I had it all for six weeks. The cute little house and true happiness. I keep asking why didn't Ray and I have more time to enjoy things. We had been through so much and we were finally enjoying life again. As sad as yesterday was for me I was so blessed. I received several text messages and phone calls but FB was the biggy. I had over 75 birthday wishes. It did put a smile on my face to feel so blessed.

We all like to blog about our homes and crafts. I personally enjoy the family posts just as much. I love how everyone seems to be living a simpler life. The economy being bad has been tough on everyone but it did bring some down to earth. I used to think having the most and best of everything was the way to be. Now I think back to family dinners and watching movies together. I realize how special those simpler times were for me. I cherish those memories now more than ever. The stuff is just that stuff. I would give anything for just one more simple day with Ray.

I want to thank everyone for all the wonderful comments. Several of you said you tried to email and it came back. Sorry I had put one D to many so the email address was wrong. I have now corrected my email so please feel free to email anytime. Once again thanks for sticking by me.

Donna

UPDATE

It's been awhile since I was last here to comment. I drop in every now and then and read your blogs. I have met so many wonderful people here in the past 2 1/2 years. I have been blessed with new friendships, many comments and gifts. You have listened to me complain and cry my heart out. I want to thank everyone for the kind words and emails. I still have days when giving up would be easier than the pain. I push myself to get out of bed some days. When Ray first died everyone told me it takes time give it time, but no one could tell me how much time. There is a country song by Sara Evans called I get a little bit Stronger. I try very hard to get stronger everyday. Although the song is about a relationship ending some of the lyrics really hit home. So to all of you who have stuck by me once again THANK-YOU!

I have decided to stay in my home and stick it out one more year. After Eleni graduates I will probably move. Until then I'm trying to make this house a home again. When Ray first died I had this need to get rid of everything. I started with his tools and clothes. I wished I had waited longer but my heart was breaking every time I seen or smelled his clothes. I still have tons of pictures of him hanging through the house. His sword collection is in the hall and his golf clubs in the garage. I could not erase the pain by giving things away. I am now in a giving away mood again. This time I feel the need to start over, I am opened to any suggestions. I love the prim look which I have in my kitchen! I don't know about my living room any pictures to share of your living rooms would be great. I can't afford new furniture right now so I have to work with what I have. Which the colors are burgundy,sage and mustard plaid. I think the pattern is called Thyme. I will be decorating on a budget. I just feel like I need a change. Speaking of kitchens mine is finally decorated. I will try to share pictures later. If anyone out there collects Boyd's Bears resin and stuffed please email me. I have too many and want to scale back. Bears free to a good home. Along with a change I feel the need to simplify my life a little more.

As many of you know I have had a rough couple of years. Four years ago after Ray had his mini stroke he really went down for awhile. I babysat at the time and volunteered at our neighborhood school. A friend called me one day and offered me a job with her at Wachovia Securities. Things were really tight and the girls were older so I took the job. By the time I started we had some serious financial issues. I put our debt into a debit program. I am happy to say I made my final payment today. It's a bitter sweet feeling. Ray and I were going to buy a newer truck when this was paid off. I will keep the truck we have because we worked together to pay it off and maybe one day I will be ready for a newer truck. Another country song comes to mind Don't Blink by Kenny Chesney. Things can change in the blink of an eye. If you get anything out of my blog I hope that you realize there may not be a tomorrow so make today and everyday count. Take the time to enjoy the little things.

Donna

The Future And What To Do With It

This time of year has really been hard. This time last year we were counting down the days until we moved. Summer was right around the corner and all was good. I felt so blessed. Now I feel so much sadness. I am about to have some challenging times. I don't make a lot of money so I need to move. When we moved here we were told the house had central air and heat. The hot water heats off of oil. We were told the gas heat was a back up heat. Well, let me tell you that was not the case. The oil kicked in when it was really cold. We all know it was really cold which meant a lot of oil. We stayed cold all winter because we kept the heat at 68 and used a lot of blankets. I have went through all the money I had saved up. The hard thing now is finding some where to live I can afford and is descent. Apartments are outrageous. I wish we could find a cute little house with a small yard.

This past week I had to go to DMV. Right after we moved here we all went to change our address. Wouldn't you know the computers were all down. We didn't get a chance to go back before Ray died. I had to get tags for the truck and switch everything into my name. It was so hard seems like I have to erase him from everything. As I stood there while the clerk put in all the information. I could feel my eyes start to burn and get heavy. I couldn't hold it all in a tear came out and I quickly wiped it away. No sooner than I walked out the door the tears rolled. It's so hard to lose someone but then to just erase them from everything is even harder.

The girls and I did go to Church Easter. It was the first time since Ray died we have all went together. So many memories just flooded my heart. Afterwards we went out to eat and then home. I could just see Ray standing at his grill cooking us something for Easter dinner. I wish I could explain just how much I miss him.

When Ray first died we all had questions as to why he was taken off his meds and did this contribute to his heart attack. My brother insisted I call his friend a lawyer to review Ray's case. After months of review by the firm and medical examiner it was decided the case was not strong enough. They seem to agree with Ray's health history and the history of his parents a heart attack was coming. It amazes me how 2 dr's can over look his back pain and health history and treat him for muscle spasms. Why wasn't his low blood pressure a sign to do a ekg. I guess I will never know. The lawyer was very kind when he called. I was so upset once again I just fell to pieces. He mailed me Ray's medical records if I wanted to get a second opinion. I don't think I can go through that again. I have read and reviewed what I understood of his records. No matter what I do nothing is going to change the outcome.

It's been a rough couple of weeks. I just don't know if I will ever be able to move on. I push myself everyday to go to work. The weekends are the worse. Ray and I had a routine. We would be lazy on Saturdays then go to the grocery store. Sunday's we went to Church and came home to eat Sunday dinner. Depending on what time of year it was something to do with sports was on the TV. Ray would flip between channels to find a Western to watch in between. Then we would watch Army Wives and True Blood. Go to bed and get up for work and start all over again. I miss my old life and I miss Ray today as much as the first day.

Donna